Saving Amaya

Chapter 6

Trigger Warning!
This chapter contains themes of self harm and suicide. Reader discretion is advised. ***** Will mark the beginning of triggering content.

It was weird, Blake was being nice to all if my friends and all of my friends were being nice to Blake. Who could have guessed that my life would have come to this. But it's not right. Something is wrong. I can feel myself pulling away from them, the film between us grows thicker as the day goes on. Sam is arguing with Blake about something, but I can hardly hear. The pulse of my heart is deafening in my ears. It feels like I'm underwater and time is slowing still. I'm in the loudest cafeteria, surrounded by my friends and Blake, and I feel so . . . lonely. I feel lonely. It hurts.

Why? Why do they get to smile and laugh and I have to feel like this all the time? Why does it feel like I am the only person that feels this awful? It's not fair. I'm sick of this. What do I have to do to just be normal? To feel good. I would even settle for 'fine.'

The bell, signaling the end of lunch, jolts me back into my body like a bucket of cold water. I look around confused for a second before Liam meets my eyes.

"Hey, you good?" Liam pauses and stands next to me while everyone else rushes off.

Shaking my head once again, as if to clear the mental fog surrounding my brain, I finally answer. "Yeah, just tired, you know."

Liam makes a face like he wants to say more, but I run off before he can ask me any more questions. Questions I won't know how to answer. I don't make it too far before Blake catches my arm.

Blake spins me around to look at him, "Hey, what are you gonna do today now that practice was cancelled?" We walk towards the locker rooms together since we both have P.E. next.

I halfheartedly shrug, "I don't know. I haven't given it much thought. Why?"

"I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out."

I turn towards Blake with a confused look on my face. "Really? This is our first Monday off from practice in months and you want to do things? I'll probably go home and vegetate." I wave Blake off as I enter the girls locker room.

The rest of my school day basically flies by. It's the second day of school, so there's not much to do. Honestly, this day has just kinda all around sucked. Sure, Blake apologized and made it up to my friends and everything, but every step hurts and my mind is moving slower than . . . something. Ugh, I can't even think, my head is too foggy!

Finally, finally, this stupid fucking day is over. I swing my keys around my finger and rush towards my car. As I open my car door, I notice Liam is walking right past the parking lot. That's weird, normally he drives to school.

Slamming my door shut, I shout towards him. "Hey, Liam, wait up!" Making my way towards him in a jog/speed walk thing to get to him faster, I finally get his attention. "Are you gonna make me walk all the way over to you?" Liam finally gets the idea and makes his way to meet me. "Hey, why are you walking home? What happened to your car?"

"It's in the shop right now, so I'm just walking for the time being." He says shrugging awkwardly.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have given you a ride."

"I- uh. . . I-" I cut Liam off by grabbing him by the elbow and dragging him towards my car. "What are you doing?"

"Giving my friend a ride home." I say in a 'duh' voice.

"I can walk." Liam states.

"Congratulations. I can too!" I say ducking into my car. Next thing you know, we are driving to Liam's house in my car while my loud music blares from my speakers. It's been about five minutes and Liam hasn't said a word. He just keeps looking dead ahead. The silence, even through the music, is killing me so I turn down the volume so Liam stands a chance at hearing me. "Are you okay? You haven't said anything."