Dark Dawn

Rascal: Shatterpoint

Incessant falling.

Ever hurting. Never ceasing

My heart shattering.

One memory at a time.

It hurt to even think about Her at this point.

In a way emotion is like a ladder. I had started climbing with no idea where I was going, abandoning the place from where I had come. Each good memory from then on was another rung, climbing higher and higher.

It had started with the End. First I had run into Tori, then I officially met Tori, and then somehow through following adventures Kendall came along. Soon I found myself climbing, without warning, without thought, without cause.

Climbing the ladder of emotions was like nothing else. Wind had no power. Snow could not damper. The sun could not burn. There was only one focus. Her.

Then just when I thought it was over, I jumped higher. And landed. My hands took hold. My feet found their grip. And so the climb continued -- with no regard to the consequences.

The clouds never got closer, but I never cared. I was immortal on the ladder. There was only one direction. There was only one destiny. There was only one focus. Up.

Somewhere along the climb Hell probably stopped by to say hi along the way, telling me that it would see me shortly. I didn't notice.

Funny thing about climbing ladders though. When you're going up, nothing else around you seems to be moving. Life ceases. Love prevails.

All of a sudden I realize that I'm not making progress, despite continual climbing. The clouds still seem just as far away. Yet, the ground is no longer in sight.

Below me, rungs have mysteriously vanished, and new ones have appeared above me. There is no going back. But I don't know if I want to go forward anymore.

Water. Suddenly water. Before I know it, a wave of emotion sweeps me higher, and just maybe, I can make it higher now. The clouds are no closer. The ground is ever further.

Logic, Reason and Sense are no longer my companions on the ladder. Were they ever there? My memory is faltering.

What is the truth and what is a lie? Am I really in love or have a painted an illusion so strong I fell for it myself?

The cycle continues. Ever higher. Never closer.

Now, I realize how high I am. I want to stop, go no further, yet fear of falling keeps me going. Pretending to love. Making it day by day. Struggling inside.

Maybe they were there before, but I now notice other ladders within reach. Emotional opportunities. Chances to start halfway up and not from the bottom. Some are elevators, quick passages to the clouds. Tempting. Alluring. Seductive.

Yet I find that I am now stuck, unable to get off this ladder, unable to go up or down. Merely gaze up at the clouds, still just as far away, and gaze down at the clouds below me, obscuring any view of ground.

I am stuck in my own uncertainty. Should I stay? Should I climb? Should I leave? Should I let go?

Then, reflecting on past memories, pleasant memories, I decide to climb onward, and in the process create the best memory of all, one that drives me forward, higher.

Now, somewhere, I feel the emotional twang of my sister's death. But I could care less.

I climb. I repeat the same mistakes. I face the same temptations. I tell the same lies. I make new mistakes. I face new temptations. I tell new lies. The clouds are no closer. The ground ever further.