Blessed (a larry stylinson fanfiction)

chapter 35

Monday, November 5th

Louis’ POV

I sat in the bathtub after having torn all my clothes off in a fit of anger the second I came home.

I felt completely numb. My thoughts were frozen to the image of everyone staring at me as Toby said those terrible words to me.

I wasn't completely consciously aware of my actions as I held the blade in between my fingers, but part of me wanted...needed to feel something, anything.

My insides hurt so much, why not make my outsides hurt, too?

I’ve been thinking about it all weekend ever since Toby first threatened me, you hear about all the teenagers that cut to in situations like this, and I knew I wasn’t strong enough to not become one of them.

I brought the blade down on my thigh, watching the blood trickle out of the small gash I created.

In a sick way it helped, and I wanted to see how much I could bleed before I couldn't take it anymore.

I pressed the blade into my skin, harder this time.

Dark red blood instantly oozed out of the wound and I could feel the sting.

There. Feeling.

I rested my head back against the cool ceramic of the tub, not allowing myself to think about anything.

There was a knock on my door and I heard it open, not exactly realizing that I should cover myself up, if not because I was naked, then because I was bleeding quite a bit.

"Louis."

I turned to see Harry standing there completely white. I could see the fear and hurt all over his face as he noticed the blade still dangling from the fingers.

"Please. Don't go there, Lou." Harry said in a small voice, still frozen to the doorway.

"Too late. " I said closing my eyes because everything was coming rushing back in a flood of emotion and I had to shut it out.

Harry must have walked over to me because I felt someone's hand on mine, tugging the blade from my fingers. I didn't fight him, although part of me wanted to bring it down on my leg again. Hard.

"Lou." Harry said in a broken voice as I heard the faucet running and then felt a wet cloth being dabbed on my thigh. "You're so much stronger than this."

"No I'm fucking not!" I shouted my eyes flicking open and my head snapping up to glare at him.

Harry looked taken aback and stopped cleaning my blood for a moment.

"I'm not strong. I'm fucking weak. Do you hear what they're saying about me? Do you? Do you have any idea how it feels to have every one of your friends turn on you and look at you like you're some kind of freak?" I hadn't noticed I was crying until I felt the tears hit my bare chest.

"I do, Louis! I know exactly how you feel because the same thing happened to me! You're scaring the hell out of me right now because this is exactly how I reacted, too; only I took it a step farther! Do you want to die, Lou? Is this where this is going? Because if it is, tell me now and I will fight like hell to save you because I'm not going to let the one person I care about most in this world slip through my fingers. I won't let you give up on yourself, on this, on us. I love you, Lou."

His words ripped through me and I couldn't hold on anymore. I started shaking uncontrollably as the reality of my actions set in.

I was falling apart and I needed to be saved.