Love Bites

Chapter 27

Do you ever feel depressed for no reason at all? Like one minute you're okay, but then all of the sudden the wave of darkness washes over you and you're drowning. You're trying to call out for help, but you can't breathe, and the worst part, there is no one to save you.

The only thing worst than crying is being sad and not be able to cry. The tears just won't come out anymore. I cried ever single day after the incident with Harry and Zayn, but after a couple days later, I couldn't cry anymore.

Thinking is dangerous. We can all agree on that right? I think about what happened that day and I realize I might have ruined a great friendship. Maybe even hurt Harry. He doesn't deserve to be hurt, specially by me. After I passed out in his room, he drove me back to my house and carried me to my bed. I thanked him afterwards but then I realized what I did. When I suggested that stupid game, I clearly wasn't thinking at all. Everyone probably thinks I'm a whore now, someone who just uses people for pleasure. I mean, I already had sex with Zayn and Niall.... Niall thought of it as a quick fuck but not Zayn. He had feelings for me, and thats where I messed up. I shouldn't have gone that far. The worst part is that Harry knows. I've hurt both of them.

Why am I such a fuck up?

I ask myself that every time. I have been cooped up in my bedroom for days now. I've ignored all my text messages and phone calls. It's probably better not to talk to anyone. I might mess up again.

Atelophobia [a-tel-oh-phobia] The fear of imperfection. Afraid of not being good enough.

Thats what I have. It's an anxiety disorder. Been told it could ruin relationships. Well, they were right. I hate feeling this way, but I do. Having this and depression is too much to handle.

And then Satan said 'let there be feelings'

Well fuck you Satan.

I wake up from my nap that was only supposed to be about an hour, but lasted four instead. I check my alarm clock thats sitting on my nightstand and it reads

6:28PM

Have I been asleep for that long? I fell asleep around 2. I guess you lose track of time when all you do is just stare at the wall.

I look over at my nightstand right next to my bed and see my phone. I haven't touched it in so long it's probably dead. I finally get the courage to pick it up and charge it.

-183 missed calls from Harry

-79 missed calls from Niall

-137 from Layla

Well damn, I didn't know they called me this much. But if they really wanted to talk to me they would've came to my house right?

I go through my text messages and randomly scan through them.

From: Niall

Alex you have to come over asap! Harry is breaking everything in the house! Please call me.

From: Louis

Love, you need to come see Harry. He's broken and he won't talk to any of the lads. He needs you. Please call asap.

As I read over these texts, I start getting worried. Is Harry okay? Did they calm him down? What if something happened to him?

I start to panic when my phone vibrates. I look at the screen and Niall's name pop up.

From: Niall

Harry is in the hospital right now. I'll explain everything to you later, but please call me. We're all worried about you xx