Tears welled up in my eyes and I remember the moments I wrote this.
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"What a pathetic loser" she snickered as Kat walked passed.
She just sighed as the girls laughed at her continuing to walk down the hall in shame.
20 47 17
She threw her school stuff into her locker ready to leave school.
James walked up to her "Hey Kat, You okay?" His blue eyes clouding with worry.
"Of course! I'm just tired it's been a long day" she laughed trying to imbue her voice with happiness.
James smiled at her even though he knew she was lying. Even in her darkest hour he thought Kat was the most beautiful person he ever met.
She wasn't the very small, she had a bit of extra fat but he didn't care because despite it all sure looked beautiful with her what other thought to be strage hair. It changed throughout the months. One month it will be bright blue, the next it could be pink, blue, red and purple. Who knows, right now it glowed a beautiful shade of pastel pink. She blue tunnels stood out vastly next to her hair. It was funny most people thought stretched ear were disgusting, James himself never cared too much for them but he learned to love them on her. Her brown eyes clouded with pain when she quickly dashed away from him. The man who loved her despite her ugly side.
"Is anyone home?" She called walking into the empty house.
"Guess not" she murmured.
Dragging her lifeless body up the stairs she walked into the bathroom. Opening the cabinet staring at all the pills.
Should I do it? She questioned herself. Her mind told her she didn't deserve to live, she didn't have the power to fight it any longer.
Grabbing the bottles of pills the tip toes back to her despite the fact that no one is home. Settling onto her bed she Duh around the side to grab the bottle of rum she kept hidden.
Contemplating for a little bit she cried thinking of all the reasons why she should. Leaning over she grabbed her journal and pen. deciding to write down some final words.
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Everyone,
It's a day like today that will make some sad. I know it's wrong. Remember my laugh, my smile and the way I acted silly when times were good. I know it is selfish. I have come to the conclusion that this is the best thing for all of us. I just can't handle it anymore. I feel like I am going through everyday motionless, my soul has already died. I'm sorry. I'll be in a better place. Mother and Father, I know this is the wrong choice and so does everybody else. There is just something in me telling me it's what I have to do. I have to escape. I it just hurts so badly I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of having to go through it. I need to do this. I need to escape this cruel world. I don't want it to hurt anymore. I don't want to wake up thinking 'Is my life a mistake' anymore. I don't want to wonder every waking moment if I am going to break down. I have too many scars already and they just don't work anymore. Mom, Dad I am so sorry for hurting you but the pain is too much I have to go this is just too much. I CAN BARLEY BREATHE WITHOUT IT HURTING. I can't, everything I do hurts. I wait for the dreadful moment to pass until I can sleep. I never want to wake up again. I don't plan on ever waking up again. I can't do it and I won't. The only thing that can comfort me is the thought of not having to go through this anymore, the blade in my hand slicing across my skin taking the pain away. I deserve it in so many ways . I don't even know anymore. I feel so useless and worthless, I can't accomplish anything in life. I'm just a disappointment. I can't do anything anymore. I don't see the point in really trying anyways. I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling but inside I'm dying. I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled and the one who could brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten her own. That's kind of why I need to go. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me and one day, there was nothing left. I guess this is my goodbye to you all. Goodbye I love you
Love You Kat
xxxxxxx
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My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. I was only 15 year old when I cried over the pages thinking it would be my last few moments on this world.
I frowned thinking of how my life is now, I'm happy now right?
I shook my head trying to wash the evil thoughts away.
I was only 15 years old when I first tried to end my own life. 15... I see the newspaper article of young girls and boys who left this world to early by their own hands. I was suppose to be one of them. I can feel a hot teach running down my right cheek.
It's like I'm thrown back into the past again.
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Life just isn't worth living anymore! No one would really care. She murmured over and over again as if trying to co I've herself.
She downed the bottle of pills washing them back with harsh burn of the rum.
Coughing she ran to the washroom crying unable to hold the contents of her stomach down. Every last pull regurgitated into the toilet as if the world was telling her not yet.
She flushed the toilet and dragged her tired body to bed hoping that maybe just maybe she wouldn't have to wake up in the morning.
YOU ARE READING
My Last Suicide Attempt
Novela JuvenilKat struggles with depression and an eating disorder. Her mind played foul tricks on her leaving her hospitalized for days after attempting to take her life many time. She reads through her old journal, she remember her journey and how she got to po...
