My Last Suicide Attempt

The Feather

asdfghjkl, this must be like the 90th time I have rewritten this. it is getting rather annoying but I can not seem to get the chapter to play out properly. OKay, it's been a month now and I have not updated so whatever get writen here now will be posted I guess... MY JAW ACHES AND MY TOOTH HURTS LIKE A BASKETBALL HOLY MOTHER OF GOLDFISH. see what I did there?

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got home from being with Taylor, I had an amazing time. Which is odd because normally I think everything is a complete waste of time. That everything is stupid and pointless. For once I feel like I am breaking free from all this god damn torture. Although there is something in me that still wants to push him away. I won’t I know I can't even if I tried.

I think Taylor is hiding something because he seems so... broken? Yeah, he seems kind of broken, like out of everything that has ever happened to him in some strange way he is like me. I am broken and lost and just wanting to escape.

Who knows...? I might just be crazy. Hell I am crazy. Humph.

"Katania, where were you?" My mom called.

I looked at here incredulously "You start to care now?"

"Katania! Don't speak like that to us," He spoke

I just stared at my dad. I never see him, I never see him. He looks so worn and tired. I couldn't fight the tears threatening to spill so I ran up to my room and collapsed onto my bed just thinking about school tomorrow made me shiver. She knew everything. For the life of me I don't even know her name. God, how can I not know her name?

Ugh, I looked over at all the homework piling up my desk but I didn't bother getting up to do it. Instead I looked up at my plain ceiling like I have so many times and I let it wash over me. The pain, and the feeling of emptiness took me under and I let the tears silently flow down my face.

I guess I was always meant to be sad if nothing ever let up. Maybe just maybe I can get away with it. Just once. Maybe not the bridge maybe I can just use the pills I have stored and down them with some whiskey that I so strongly crave to numb this pain right now.

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I always dread the morning; I have for a long time. I mean, I have to look decent to hold up my new found image of being 'happier' not quite extremely happy but happier. Why I even bother to do this anymore is beyond me...

I can't get over all my suspicions, although they are all meeting soon which is exciting I guess. I remember I have to ask.

Sighing I walked into the dreaded school. 

Meeting up with Dane and Kristy, I noticed another girl standing there she was pretty. About 5'1, short, red hair in a bob like cut. Soft facial features, minimal makeup and freckles splashed around. She was a bit on the bigger side but still cute as button, and for guys she would still be hot. I don't look at chicks that way. I think I'm starting to like Dane... and Taylor. Ugh this would be so much easier if he let me jump.

"Hey Krist, Dane" I hugged them both shortly pulling away to look at this new girl . 

"Hi, I'm Katania." 

"I know" she laughed "I'm Olydia." 

"That's different," I smiled at her "Can I call you Lyd?"  

"Only if I can call you Kat."  

We both laughed.

"Deal," I said shaking her hand. 

"Ya'll ready for class?" Dane said.