i've realized that when i was with you, i was really dependent on you for a lot of things. it wasn't good but i didn't even realize in the moment what was going on. i wonder if you felt burdened. i feel bad bc i'd never want to make you feel like that.
if i was sad or stressed or just like not happy i'd talk to you bc literally you just saying hi would make me happy. it was ridiculous. i was utterly head over heels for you. but it wasn't good for you. and i understand. i suffocated you without meaning to. and your feelings weren't given time to grow properly. i'm so sorry. i latch on to everyone way too quickly and it never ends well; there's something wrong with me and i don't know what to do about it.
our dance teacher asked me yesterday if we were still dating. god that was such an awkward conversation. i don't even know why she asked me about it. maybe she noticed that i don't post about you anymore. maybe she was thinking about having us partner for the show. maybe she was thinking about homecoming and whether you were going with me or not. no clue. it just hurt a little bit.
i feel like i am still struggling to move on though. like i don't cry over you anymore and sometimes i get a twist of jealousy thinking about you being with someone else and sometimes i see something that reminds me of you and i feel a lil pang of sadness in my chest but it's nowhere near as sad as i was back in july. it's been about 4 months. the only real things i miss are just having someone to talk to, make out with, and hug and hold hands with often. i miss that physical contact and the security of a good hearted person who i knew had the best intentions always. i hope you're well. i'm sure you don't even think about me anymore.
YOU ARE READING
messages i'll never send
Romancei fell in love. it didnt end the best way. recently i've been wanting to message him, but i know it isn't a good idea so i write things out in my notes on my phone and leave them there for a day, telling myself that if i still want to send after 24...
