Transparent: A Divergent FanFiction (Book One) ©

Chapter 40

                I jerked up and out of the chair; my body pitching to the side. I landed on my hands and knees and with the adrenaline still pumping through my body, I lurched forward in an attempt to get to the door.

               “Sage stop!” Amar shouted, momentarily freeing me from my frenzied state of mind.

               Sliding down the wall and putting my head in between my knees, I gulped at the air like a fish. To be able to breathe again felt like a miracle and I savored the feeling.

               I wasn’t completely in control of my wits though. When Amar tried to take a step towards me I leapt to my feet and held my hands out. I didn’t want him, or anyone else near me. I could still feel the aggressive tension that had me wound tightly.

               “Stay back, just give me space!” I warned. I wasn’t too sure of what I’d do  and didn’t want to risk things by letting Amar get any closer. Probably, beating the crap out of your instructor wasn't something that would be too smiled upon here.

               I must’ve gotten up too fast because a few seconds later I was feeling nauseous. I breathed in a ragged breath and then turned back to the door. My stomach protested, and just in case my body decided to spew whatever was left in it, I grabbed the nearest trash can. I gasped and then wretched, but because I hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast, I could only make gagging noises. I clutched at my throat, half expecting to feel the welts the rope had left when it had dug into my skin.

               “It’s over,” Amar assured me.

               “I already know that,” I snapped back.

               I rubbed at my neck and wrists, feeling the phantom pain of the ropes that had bound me in place. I could still remember how the scales of the shadowy figures had felt against my skin, could still smell their rank breath as they swarmed around me. Not real, it hadn’t happened. It was all in my mind.

               “It wasn’t real,” Amar said again.

               I didn’t answer; instead I nodded and grit my teeth. I knew this was not the way to act around Amar, a man who probably had no fears and was the one in charge of my rank. I couldn’t be seen as weak. No, I couldn’t afford to stay like this, all crazed over a hallucination filled with monsters that didn’t even exist.

                I wanted to sigh in relief, to feel good about the fact that it was over, but I couldn’t. At the back of my head, screaming and shouting, my subconscious was telling me that; no, this wasn’t over at all, this was only the beginning. I wished I could say that since I’d been through it once I wasn’t afraid anymore. But I was. This simulation would only be the first in many that awaited me.

                Amar, seeming to sense that I’d calmed down, stepped forward and offered me his hand. I hesitated, but then took it and got back on my feet.

                “Not easy huh?” Amar said quietly.

                “I didn’t expect it to be,” I agreed, shuddering at the fresh wave of memories. “I just didn’t think it would be that realistic.”

                “Overcoming cowardice never is.” Amar said, walking back to his computer and then frowning at the screen. “That’s what you’re here to learn though.”

                I gingerly sat back in the metal chair, trying to compose myself. I was starting to feel fine when I noticed Amar’s frown had deepened. I felt my heart rate kick back up; what had I done wrong?