Picture Perfect [Jincentric]

Day 12

"Not good enough! Why can't you be like-"

He feels it when their vocal coach began describing Jungkook's voice and his songs.

It is the feeling that no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't do anything right. His most sincere feelings that were penned down in the form of ink against paper were mere copies of another. His endless hours on a page are not yet adequate to the demands. The raw feeling in his fingers and the soreness of his throat and the circles concealed under his eyes are things to be ashamed of.

He feels unaccomplished.

And as the coach ranted on about how 'this needs to change' and 'that needs editing' and 'this isn't good enough' he begins to realize that no matter what he does, someone else somewhere has already done it, and it was nothing to be proud of. He had tried his best to create a worded representation of his feelings, a lyrical artwork of something good enough to compare to the spectacular works of his bandmates, and it came out a stick figure of the worst nightmare.

And honestly, he doesn't want to have to put up with it anymore.

He doesn't like the feeling of having no imagination, of having no good ideas. He hates feeling as he was being rained upon every time he handed his efforts.

Seokjin absolutely despises the feeling of being obsolete. 

"Ah, whatever, it's late. We'll continue tomorrow, okay?"

It's a little after 11 pm when he reaches home that night. The lights are off, and everyone is in their rooms sleeping. He doesn't feel envious of their rest, and instead, he feels glad and almost rested himself when he passes their rooms. He doesn't dwell on how for the past week, he's been coming home late and waking up early to make their breakfast, and instead, he smiles at how his groupmates don't need to stay up late during the nights and can get their well-deserved rest. 

Seokjin pauses when opens the door to the room he shared with Yoongi.  He sees that the pale boy is very much awake, scribbling down what he assumes to be lyrics to his own song in his half of the room. 

And although he made sure to be quiet, Yoongi notices him. 

"Oh, hyung. You're back." 

"Yeah..."

The younger boy, engrossed in his work, doesn't reply, doesn't notice the brief flash of emotion that Seokjin carelessly allows showing on his face. 

Jin lays on his bed, listening to the sound of pen against paper, and contemplates his 30-day project. He considers not taking a picture at all today- he considers giving up altogether. 

But he sucks it up. He'd force himself if he has to. So long as he can find even the smallest, the biggest stretch of a reason, he'd take that picture. 

He sighs, hesitantly pulling out his Polaroid camera. He looks around, eyes landing on his roommate hard at work, and he is reluctant. With less care than usual, he snaps a picture, uncaring to the fact that it may be blurry. 

He doesn't wait for the picture to develop and carelessly tosses it under his pillow with the rest.

Today, he takes a picture of Yoongi composing a song that he knows by heart, his own won't be able to measure up to.