Picture Perfect [Jincentric]

"Taehyung​-ah"

To the one who's always by my side,

Taehyung's blankness is gone for a split moment, doing a double take, and he scoffs, 'Always by my side'? Out of everyone, it took him days before he found it in him to read this, and the first thing he sees is this bullshit? What were you thinking, Jin-hyung?

How was he by his side? Taehyung can clearly recall how he didn't step in when Hoseok clearly crossed the line, saying stupid and cruel things. He can clearly recall how he disagreed so strongly with the younger hyung, knowing whatever he said wasn't true and itching to correct him, comfort his Jin-hyung- Do something. But he didn't. He only watched as Seokjin took the abuse, as the damage is done. 

Even now, Taehyung doesn't know why he just let everything happen. He, if no one else, knows just how much Jin was trying. He knows how  late his hyung would come home- He spends a lot of time waiting for his hyung to come back, and sometimes even he can't stay awake till then. He would enter his hyung's room at night for some bonding time but his bed would always be empty. 

He knows how hard Jin tries during dance practice. He knows how hard he tries during recordings.

And Seokjin tried hard.

He knows that. 

But still, because he was a coward, his ever so loving Jin hyung isn't waking up.

And even more, too stupidly, delusionally clouded with guilt and shame, he took too long to compose himself and avoided Jin during the time he needed him the most.

So much for always by his side, huh. 

Some friend he is. 

A whole myriad of emotions is wrecking the turmoil that is his mind. Rage, grief, sadness, guilt, regret. Overwhelming rage. Pure, black fury. At the irony, hypocrisy, uselessness. At himself. And he wants to cry. But he doesn't- Although he has a lot of tears left to cry. He doesn't want to cry.

He can't. So, his face is blank, the battles of the emotions vying to show on his face all lost. So, it's empty. He's empty. 

Fuck, the note hasn't even started. Nevertheless, knowing that he cannot wallow in this self-hatred if he wants to finish by tonight, Taehyung sets aside his self-disgust and continues reading.

Bwibwi,

Crack.

Hey, how's my dearest dongsaeng doing? 

It's me, of course it's me. Anyway, it's been a while and I wanted to tell you so many things but now that I'm actually writing this, I'm coming up empty. Everything I want to say is just... Gone. But it's okay, they were probably really stupid things, either way.

Is it bad that Taehyung still wants to hear them? So, so, so bad? 

I don't know how to start, so I'll just say whatever, okay?

'Anything's fine.'

When it comes to you, everything is so fun. 

You encourage me to be happy, to have fun. And even on days when  I'm tired, I'll get all hyper again when I'm with you. There's never a boring moment. We did so many stupid things. But we did them together. 

crAcK.

Being with you, I smile a lot. And I love you so much, I can't name all the reasons. I love the way you smile, the way your lips pull into that adorable boxy shape showing your teeth. I love that small beauty mark on the tip of your nose, it's sexy. I love how your eyelids are uneven, one double and one mono. It's unique.