The Numbness I Felt

Chapter 3

Val's POV (warning might be triggering for some if I decide to go to far and song fits it a lot apparently Naftu means heart/soul and life)

I open the bag and find that my pocket knife is gone. 'If it isn't here then,' I think to myself and walk to my bed and look under it and find what I was looking for my pocket knife. I feel the pocket knife's cold exterior. I look around and noticed no one was home. I take of my shirt and walk to my painting area, that once was a walk in closet with tile and lock my bedroom door. I look at my last painting a few trees in the background of a fisherman fishing. I took the pocket knife and opened it scissors, screwdriver, mini saw, knife. I look at my side in the mirror I had in my painting area and feel numb. I put the knife to my side and cut out the word FAILURE and then put the knife away and clean my wound with my first aid kit in my room and wrap it then put my shirt back on. I walk to my door and unlock it and look and see my red shirt would be useful if it bleed through. And then I felt sick I run to the bathroom and vomit into the toilet all that comes up is bile and mucus. Allergies have made life worse for me to be honest I just feel tired of this shit that has been happening to me. I flush the toilet and wash out my muzzle in the sink and stare down at my hands and just think how stupid of an idea it was to cut I don't want to get addicted again the pain may be nice but I should stop before it goes too far. I walk down the stairs and see my brother in the recliner asleep my dad cooking and my mother watches TV.

"Hi bud." My Mom says to me.

"Evening Mom." I replied.

"Dinner is almost ready!" My Dad says to everyone.

I sit down at the table quietly and tune out the world thinking to myself about the problems I will have tomorrow. Now I have to survive for the entire week. When my father sets down the food I slowly eat quietly while my family talks amongst themselves. I wish I knew why I say that what would my parents say if I dated a guy I mean I had a girlfriend before, but she cheated on me. I mean I didn't feel the spark as they would say and it probably because I avoided kissing. I finish my food and put my plate in the sink and just walk upstairs to go lay down and look at the ceiling. I put in music to drown out the numbness hopefully. The music from 'The Drowsy Chaperone' is more upbeat at least and helpful for calming myself down. I hum to myself 'Cold Feet' after a bit because it is oddly catchy. Carter is my neighbor so I mean I have to see him anyway over the weekend, so how could I avoid ruining our friendship maybe say 'it was an accident I didn't mean it,' or 'sorry about yesterday I wasn't thinking straight,' that could work. My mind then goes to 'the thought of him and his cute face and-' ' WHAT AM I DOING!' I think I might have a crush oh god how could I become this way about someone new. I mean he is nice, yet I don't know him that well and how could I fix this and what about my essay rough draft of my friends or even choir. I stop my thoughts for a bit. I need to think if he is in my classes at all, but I don't pay attention to people except teachers and my friends and family. I cry to myself internally because I cannot cry because the numbness, yet when around him I feel a warm feeling like nothing could hurt me and I could do so much of him and happiness. The last one makes me realize I like him, I feel a brother-like love for him, or I love him. I feel somewhat happy thinking about him. My mind starts racing thinking of what it could mean. My music then plays 'New Music' and Ragtime has been playing and I hadn't realized but the words.

'But these lovers play new music, haunting and somehow taunting me my love was never half as true.'

The words start to speak to me. I now realize what they have been telling me. My Ex-Girlfriend was never half as true as my love for Carter. Then I repeated that to myself again and then noticed.

I LOVE CARTER!

Ohhhhhhhhh snap I just did that used musical references to make a love story take off and do some fun things like hint at the things with songs if you listened to the songs. The song for Carter's ringtone is Deep River a slow sad song with beauty in it. If you can pick out the other things from every song because they all have meaning eventually if not already shown. Hope you have a Wanderful day.
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-Kias/Fire