Can you love me now, Zayn?

Chapter 10

"Wait...I just...I need to talk to you", Harry said.

Zayn smirked at him. "Now? I've been trying to get you to talk to me for weeks and NOW you want to talk?" But he wasn't angry, his eyes shone with amusement as he looked intently at Harry. Grinning, Zayn said, "Ok, go ahead, talk to me", he said, only inches from Harry's perfect face.

"I know you don't...I mean...you can't right now...but I'll do whatever you want, you can do whatever you want so whatever you say...it's ok...but..I just wondered if you think...someday maybe you could again...feel differently...about me, I mean", Harry said while staring at the dip in Zayn's throat beneath his Adam's Apple, unable to meet his eyes.

"What?" Zayn asked, completely perplexed with the question. Harry was often difficult to understand but this was so jumbled he honestly had no idea what he was asking. "Harry, I have no idea what you're talking about. Come on, sit down", he said as he pulled him to one of the two upholstered chairs in a seating area in their bedroom. It was dark outside, only a small bedside lamp illuminated the room, casting shadows on the wall, an intimate setting for intimate things.

"We can do whatever you want", Harry said, believing that clarified everything. He didn't want Zayn to think he didn't want this. He did, but he was afraid, too. He hadn't been with anyone since....since that night, THE night. "Before...when we lived together before...everything...when you wanted to be with me...if you...do you think, even if you don't now, do you think you could want me again? Someday?"

"Do you think I don't want you? Is that what you're asking me?" asked Zayn, closing his eyes tightly trying to imagine how in god's name Harry could have gotten that idea but unable to come up with anything .

"Right, even if you don't right now, I just wanted to know...if eventually you think you could?" asked Harry quietly.

"I love you and I want you. Nothing about that has changed. I'm not sure why you think it has", said Zayn, watching Harry's face, trying to read it, to understand the way his mind worked.

"I haven't been with anyone since then", said Harry.

It seemed a random comment somehow but somewhere in Harry's brain, it was connected, so Zayn replied, "Neither have I".

"Really?" asked Harry, surprised.

"Yes, really. I didn't want anyone else. I only want you", said Zayn simply.

"I got tested, about five times", said Harry.

"Ok, so have I, not five, but twice. Do you think I'm afraid of that? Harry, I'm not. It's been a year and a half, if we've both been tested and neither of us have been with someone else there's nothing to worry about. If you want, we can use condoms, if that makes you feel better", said Zayn.

"No. I don't want that", said Harry. "But, I wanted to know, if you feel the same way you used to, or if you think you even could, because I want you to...and I feel like...I feel like maybe you don't...and it's killing me".

Zayn got up out of his seat and knelt in front of Harry, who was looking out the window at their quiet little street. Zayn touched Harry's face with his fingertips, "Hey, I do feel differently, but it's not a bad thing. I don't love you less and I don't want you less, but it's different now, a little, I'm not going to say it isn't."

Harry immediately pulled away and stiffened, "Oh, okay...I understand...it's fine...we can still..."

"No, you don't. You don't understand. What I'm telling you is that I think we have a chance to be better – better than we were, not less, but more. I feel that we're both a little stronger now. We've been through some things and we still love each other, don't you think that means something?"