Can you love me now, Zayn?

Chapter 20

"I want to ask you something" said Zayn, as Harry rested his cheek against Zayn's chest.

"Ok"

"You said you went to see Dr Hanley because you were thinking about being a father. Is that all you talked about?" Zayn bent his head and rested his chin on top of Harry's head, breathing in the scent of his fabulous hair. He'd had reasons to believe Harry was having some trouble with PTSD again, even more than usual, and he wanted to know if that was a reason Harry had asked for help.

"Why do you want to know?" Harry asked as he placed a hand on Zayn's stomach, Gently tracing circles with his fingers on the smooth skin.

"Because I've been worrying about you lately, and I wondered if...if something is wrong", Zayn said, prodding gently, not wanting to ruin the peace and love between them, but he'd definitely been worrying about Harry lately. Although they'd talked quite a bit about starting their own family, Harry had been quiet, withdrawn, distant. Zayn didn't like it and he wanted to get to the bottom of it. He had a feeling that Harry wasn't being entirely forthcoming and that bothered him, too.

"Nothing to worry about", Harry said dismissively.

"Hmmm, I want to believe that", said Zayn.

A minute went by before either of them said anything.

"Has talking about having kids...has that made you think about things, from your own childhood?" Zayn asked, nearly certain that was what had been going on, but wanting Harry to open up about it.

Harry stopped moving his fingers and began to sit up, but Zayn pressed him back down to his chest.

"No, don't go anywhere. Stay right there. I want to talk about this, please?" Zayn said, kissing Harry's hair as he placed a hand on his shoulder.

He saw Harry stretch out his hand, clenching and unclenching it. "What is up with that? What did you do to your arm?" Zayn asked, as he traced the long surgical scar on the top of Harry's forearm. This wasn't the first time he'd seen Harry treating his arm gingerly, as if he were in pain. "I don't like you keeping things from me", Zayn said, kindly, but firmly.

"It just hurts, it's nothing", Harry answered.

"Where? Show me", said Zayn.

"Like, the whole thing I guess, from my elbow down to my wrist, and my hand. I don't know why", Harry said.

"I'm going to call a doctor so you can get it checked out, it's been a couple of weeks, hasn't it?" Zayn asked, thinking back to the first time he'd seen Harry being careful while doing something with his right arm. "You need to get it looked at".

"Zayn, it's nothing, it's fine. I probably have just been drawing too much. I don't want to get it checked out", Harry protested.

Zayn could feel his pouty lips protruding into his chest and it made him chuckle lowly. "I know you don't, but I want you to....and I still want to talk about why you went to see Dr Hanley, and what else is bothering you".

"Nothing, ok, I'm fine. Everything is fine." Harry was beginning to get grumpy. He didn't like Zayn questioning him like this. He didn't want to talk about anything and he wanted Zayn to just leave it alone.

"No, you're not. I'm sorry, I know you think I'm pushing you about it...and I guess I am...but, I care about you and I want to know what's going on inside your head", Zayn was getting slightly annoyed, but he tried to keep his breathing even and didn't want Harry to hear it in his voice.

"I need to go", Harry said, bolting out of bed and grabbing his clothes off the chair.

"Harry, please, don't be upset", Zayn said.