Can you love me now, Zayn?

Chapter 7

They had ordered their food and were waiting for it to arrive while they drank coffee. They were both nervous, more so than they had been the day before.

"I'm so happy you called, Harry"

"Really?"

Zayn smiled, "Yes, really", he said.

"It's not too much?" Harry asked.

Zayn laughed, "No, how could it possibly be too much?"

Harry shrugged.

Silence fell between them. They were both so afraid to say what they were thinking, their fears getting in the way of them, as they had for so long now.

"I don't even know what to say to you right now", said Zayn, going with his gut and deciding to put his feelings into words.

"Yeah", said Harry as he glanced down at the table, drumming his fingers against it.

"I want to say a lot of things, but I'm afraid if I do, I'll ruin it", said Zayn.

Harry raised his eyes to Zayn briefly, but he didn't say anything.

"So should I? Just say it?" asked Zayn, as he gulped down some liquid coffee courage.

"I guess", said Harry, afraid to hear it, but he couldn't think of anything to say and the silence was growing increasingly awkward.

Putting his coffee mug down, Zayn launched into it. "I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about everything".

Harry interrupted, "Zayn...I don't....you don't need to...that's not..."

"Wait, just wait. Please, I need to say this, ok? I really do, because I never have and I need you to know", said Zayn, cutting Harry's protests off.

Harry took a deep breath and exhaled as he nodded his head and then looked away.

"I'm sorry I cheated on you. I'm sorry I didn't come back to see you when you were in the hospital, and I'm sorry about...about what happened with Mike. I brought him into our home, and I'm so sorry and I hope maybe someday you can forgive me for all of those things", said Zayn quietly, the sincerity of his words evident in his eyes.

Zayn waited many moments for Harry to say something. He didn't know what to expect. Maybe Harry would still be too angry to talk about this and he'd get up and walk out of his life forever. He didn't really know how he'd react, but Zayn wanted to say that, even if he never got a chance to say anything else.

The server came with their food and set the steaming piles of waffles and eggs and bacon and sausage and hash browns in front of them.

"I never blamed you for any of it", said Harry.

It made Zayn drop his fork. He couldn't believe that. He didn't even want to believe it. "You don't have to say that, Harry. You had, and still have, every right to blame me and be angry about it. God only knows how I would feel if I had been in your shoes".

"But I never did", said Harry. "And I'm not angry with you, I never was".

Zayn didn't know what to say. It would have been easier to deal with knowing Harry had been angry all this time. It's what he knew he deserved, but this...this was unexpected and it made him uncomfortable.

"Can I ask you something, though?" asked Harry quietly.

"Yes, of course, anything. I'll talk to you about whatever you want to know" replied Zayn, eagerly seeking some kind of punishment from Harry. Hoping he'd at least be confrontational about something.