Finding Me (A Joe Sugg / ThatcherJoe Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

My eyes were stinging when he pulled my arm. Who was this strange man?

"Leave me Dustin-" I said. I soon realized that I, in fact, knew him. I grabbed my head and started crying. Why did I leave Joe alone? It's not like we fought or anything... It was the fact I was scared. For once in my life I was scared. Never before had I planned that I would be dying, or close to that, and my heart broke into a million pieces. I would have no hair, no anything, how would I be beautiful? How could I possibly believe and trust that I was strong enough to help everybody in my little world when I don't believe in myself? My tears were silent on the concrete, as were the thoughts rummaging through my mind. I closed my eyes and I rubbed them vigorously.

"Take me home," I grabbed his hand and he stared at me worriedly.

"Why are you sad?" He asked taking my hand and pulling me into an embrace. I looked up at him and wept. Why was I sad? Did I want to leave a bigger impression on the world?

"I think I'm going to die," I said resting my head on his chest. He shook his head and laughed.

"I've been down that road as well... But that's no excuse for drinking so much, let me take you home," he let me out of the embrace and started walking down the street. I gave him the address and we walked home in silence. My head was pounding and I knew that drinking this much was a bad excuse for everything.

"Marilyn, right?" He asked as we approached the walkway.

"Y-yeah," I replied almost falling over a piece of cement that was uneven with the rest of the ground. Side note: tell Joe to get that fixed.

"It's hard isn't it?" He asked as I walked up to the door. I stopped short when he asked me this and I turned around slightly. He looked up at the window and must have seen Joe.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Being sad when you're around people that make you the happiest," he replied. The door soon opened up and Joe was standing in the door way with a worried look on his face.

"I-I-I guess," I stammered out. Joe quickly pulled me into the house and locked the door behind me. I didn't even get a chance to tell him goodbye.

"Who the hell-" he started to yell, but soon lowered his voice and pulled me into him," I thought I lost you. I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I know you'll have to start radiation and I know you'll start to feel weak, but I'm here for you. I will help you when you are weak so you can get better. I can help you Marilyn, but you just have to trust me." The words he spoke hit me as hard as a train and I wept. Crying was an everyday occurrence now.

"I am so sorry. I want to be that strong woman for you. I want to make sure you and Layla and Caspar are okay through this experience. If anything would ever happen to any one of you, I would blame myself forever... Truth is, I can't be brave anymore Joseph. I can't try anymore. There is no will left in my body to be the best me. I can't do this anymore," I said into his chest. He kissed my head and we stood there.

"Are we breaking up?" He asked holding me tighter than he ever has before. My eyes were welled shut and red from all the rubbing I had done. I silently nodded my head and he just held me. I knew this was for the best, after all, who would want to date a sick girl?

"I will help you through this, and once you get better, we will date again. I will win you back," he said silently into my ear. The words made me shiver, but I knew in my heart what he said was true. Without Joe, there was no me.

"But I do expect a kiss and hug every morning and every night," he added which made me smile. I smiled up at him knowing that this wasn't really the end, but rather a beginning. He was so special to me and I would never truly leave him, but this was one of those stupid "relationship breaks". Everything about Joe made me so happy and made me free, but something made me think that I was constricting him from his freedom. Relationships were not my thing and definitely would never be my thing.