Flying Too Close to the Sun

Lin

Pippa and I were in the waiting room with Raina at New York-Presbyterian Morgan Stanley Children's hospital. Raina was cuddled up in Pippa's arms, watching a Youtube video on her phone. I thumbed through my Twitter feed as we waited to be called.

As a compromise, we'd agreed to take Raina for a second opinion in New York City. I didn't want Raina going across the country to get treatment. Pippa seemed dead set on it. I hoped this doctor said the same thing as Mount Sanai so Pippa would drop it.

The nurse called Raina's name, so we all stood up. Pippa carried our daughter back to the exam room. They weighed her, and she'd lost another two pounds. The nurse had to take some more blood samples from Raina, but she was pretty much a pro at this point. She'd gotten used to the pokes and seemed resigned to it at this point. That was sad in itself.

The doctor came in a while later and talked with us. They were all questions we'd gotten before out Mount Sanai, mostly about her symptoms and what had been done so far. Pippa talked a lot about her concerns. They told us they'd get back to us when the blood test results were back. Pippa handed Raina over to me so I could carry her.

We got home and I Pip started to make a PB&J sandwich for Raina, along with some fruit and vegetables. After lunch, Raina laid down on the couch to watch some TV and relax. Pippa and I went about our own business, mostly avoiding each other. It was like there was invisible wall between us. I thought Pippa was being overly dramatic, and she thought I was being unsupportive. We both wanted Raina healthy.

____

Dinner was tense. Raina rarely joined us now, and we could all feel her absence. It was pretty much silent when Rio started crying out of nowhere. Pippa stood up and pulled him into her lap, pushing her hand through his hair.

"Rio, what's wrong?" she asked him gently. He rubbed at his eyes as he buried his face.

"Why won't Raina eat with us?" he cried softly.

"She's not feeling well," she reminded him. "Her tummy doesn't really tolerate the food we're eating."

"But why isn't she better yet?"

"Well, we took her to a new doctor today to see if they could give her different medicine," she explained. "So maybe she'll start feeling better soon."

He was quiet as Pippa hugged him against her. She reached over and picked up his plate, setting it in front of them. "C'mon," she said softly. "Finish your chicken."

I looked around the table at the girls. They were both quiet, without any pep. Usually, dinners at our house were lively with lots of chatter and laughter. I hated that the whole family seemed to have the wind taken out of them.

Cam helped me with the dishes so Pippa could cuddle with Rio. Molly went to her room to do homework.

"Is it true that you're gonna take Raina to St. Jude's?" Cam asked me as we worked together. I looked at her, confused. I hadn't mentioned it to her.

"Where'd you hear that?" I asked.

"Pippa," she said. I sighed out, annoyed that Pippa had let something like that slip. I didn't want the kids getting in the middle of our disagreements.

"Well, that's something we've discussed, but it's definitely not on the horizon," I told her. "We took her to New York Presbyterian today for a second opinion. We'll see what they say. Pippa has been looking into St. Jude's."

"Would we all have to move there?" Cam asked, obviously worried.

"No, sweetheart," I told her. "If that happened, which isn't likely, Pippa would go with her and you'd all stay here with me."

"So I wouldn't see Raina for what? Months?"

I stopped what I was doing and turned to her. "Cam, listen. I don't want you to worry about this. If it gets to that point, we'd sit down and discuss it with you. Okay?"

She nodded, but seemed a little upset. I grabbed her hand and held it. "Hey. Are you worried?"

She nodded again and I could tell she was trying to hold back tears. I pulled her to me and wrapped her in a hug.

"I will not let your sister die," I promised her. "She will get the care she needs, which right now is in New York City. You do not need to worry about Raina going to Tennessee."

Cam sniffled a little and nodded into my shoulder. I pulled back and kissed her forehead. "Why don't you go relax a bit. I'll finish up."

She didn't argue and disappeared to her room. When it was bedtime, I helped bathe Rio and Raina, then tuck them into bed. Pippa wandered out to the kitchen to get some wine, and I followed her, ready to let her know what was on my mind.

"Did you tell the girls about St. Jude's?" I asked her, my arms crossed as I stood at the counter. She looked over at me, confused.

"What?"

I repeated myself, emphasizing my words. "Did you talk to the girls about St. Jude's?"

She scoffed, realizing I wasn't happy. "Yes. They were worried about their sister so I was telling them some possibilities."

"Well, you scared the hell out of Cam," I told her as she poured some wine. "You have her all worried that we're gonna be moving across country and Raina has terminal cancer."

"Well, that's certainly not what I intended," she told me, setting the bottle down. She picked up her wine glass and crossed the room, going to the couch. I followed, nowhere near finished.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't discuss stuff like that with the girls," I told her. She sat down, but I remained standing, arms crossed.

"I think we need to be open and honest with him," she told me, not backing down.

"We don't need to worry them unnecessarily," I countered.

"They were already worried," she said. I sighed, looking down.

"Before you share any other information with them, I'd prefer if you'd talk to me first," I said.

"Fine," she said shortly, sipping her wine. I just looked at her for a moment, incredulous. How did she not get this? There were discussions we had as parents that the kids didn't need to know. I thought that was obvious.

"That's it?" I asked her. She practically glared at me.

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry? Because I'm not," she said, her tone harsh. "I am doing everything I can to get our daughter healthy and being as open and honest with our children about what's happening. All you can do is figured out how to stay in your beloved Washington Heights."

My tongue poked around in my cheek as I felt my heart beat faster.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked her, my voice raising. "I'm the one being perfectly reasonable. You're the one overreacting and now you're scaring the kids."

"They might be scared, but I'm telling the truth," she spat. "Which is more than I can say about you."

"Are you accusing me of lying?" I asked, not taking it lightly.

"I am," she said, taking a swig of wine as she twirled her hair.

"Unbelievable," I muttered, feeling my blood boil. I knew I needed to walk away before I said something I regretted. I stormed back to our bedroom and slammed the door.

Later that night, when I went to go get a drink myself I found a pillow and blanket on the couch. I had been banished from the bedroom.