Flying Too Close to the Sun

Pippa

Lin never came back with Felix during the night.  Somehow I wasn't surprised.  The next morning, I caught a cab and took Cam and Molly with me to the hospital.  When we walked into Raina's room, Felix was spread out on the couch with a blanket over him, asleep.  He probably hadn't slept well during the night.  Raina was back in her bed, asleep as well.

Lin was pacing the floor, arms crossed, and smiled when he saw us come in. 

"Good morning," he said, giving me a quick kiss.  The girls had brought things with them to work on.  I didn't want the kids hanging out in a hospital all day long, though.  It wasn't good for their spirits.  Now that there were two adults, we could do shifts and take the other kids places.

"How'd she do during the night?" I asked Lin.

"She did fine," he reported.  "She slept through the night."

They'd stopped the cancer treatment for now until she got over her infection.

"You should take Felix back to the hotel so he can sleep in a bed," I told him.  We'd booked another hotel room since there were six of us now.  Lin agreed.  We hung out as a family for a while, then Lin gently woke up our son.  He carried him out of the room so they could go relax for a while.

A while later, Raina awoke and said she was hungry.  Her favorite food was pancakes, so we ordered some from the cafeteria to be delivered.  Luckily, her appetite was still good and she ate them all.  She definitely needed her strength.

"Mommy, can I wear my wig?" she asked me.

"Sure," I said, standing up to get it.  I carefully positioned it on her head and she immediately brightened up.  It was the first time Cam had seen her in it, so she complimented her, causing Raina to smile.

She seemed to have some energy, so Raina took her sisters to the little library they had on their floor.  The hospital was great about providing inviting spaces for families to be together.  There was a playground, a library, and comfy lounges.  I sat back as the girls played and read with Raina.  Having all her family nearby seemed to be helping her.

Lin returned mid-afternoon with Felix, who was looking much more well-rested.  He immediately wanted to play with his sister.  Lin picked him up and set him on Raina's bed and they played on the iPad together. 

We decided to order in pizza for the whole family.  Raina was getting tired of hospital food.  Two large pizzas came and we scarfed it down.  As the evening wound down, Raina got a bit tired and irritable.  She started crying and whimpering, so Lin scooped her up and held her on the couch.  Fatherhood looked good on Lin.  He shooshed her gently and stroked her back as she cried softly.

Lin wanted to stay with her during the night again, so we decided I'd take the other three kids home.  Felix cried, wanting to stay, but we thought it would be best if he slept in a bed.  He tearfully said goodbye to his sister.

"Cam, will you take the kids down the hall to the library for a minute?" I asked our oldest.  She nodded and took Felix by the hand.  He cried as he was led by his sister.

I sat next to Lin on the couch and gently squeezed Raina's arm.

"Sweetheart, do you want to take a nice bath, maybe?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she said tearfully, rubbing at her eye.  They had several nice big bathtubs on each floor.  Raina was a huge fan of bubble baths.  I poked my head out and asked a nurse if she could start one for Raina, and she happily complied.

I just wanted to sit with Lin and Raina by myself for a few minutes.  All day, people were in and out.  I'd barely had any time with my husband since he'd arrived.  Raina was having a hard time getting hold of herself.  She choked on her sobs as Lin held her.

"Sweetheart, we need you to be strong," he said to her softly.  "Take some deep breaths."

"I w-wanna go home," she complained as she cried.  I felt guilty that she was so far away from home.  It had been my idea, after all, to bring her here.

"You'll go home soon," I promised her as I played with her hair.  It didn't feel right, being a wig.

Lin held her and kissed her head.  The nurse poked her head in a few minutes later to say Raina's bath was ready.  Lin stood up and carried her down the hall and I followed.  He carefully stripped off her pajamas and undies and set her down in the bath.

"You should head out with the other kids," he told me softly.  "They're exhausted."

"Yeah," I agreed, tugging on his hip to turn him towards me.  He smiled and pulled me into an embrace.  "I wish we could spend some time together."

"Me too," he agreed, our foreheads pressed together.  "Tomorrow night."

We kissed again and I was instantly looking forward to it.  I found the kids in the library and hailed a cab to take them back to the hotel.  The kids got into their pajamas and brushed their teeth.  Molly was in a very cuddly mood.  She climbed onto one of the beds with me and curled up next to my side.

"Mom?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, sweetheart?" I asked.

"Is Raina really going to get better?"

I wanted to be as honest as possible with the kids, but I didn't want to scare them.  Lin and I still had every hope that she'd fully recover.

"Most likely, yes," I told her, running my fingers through her hair.  "She's just gotten a little worse the last couple days."

"Could she still die?" she asked.  I could tell she was afraid of the answer.

"There's a small chance, yes," I told her honestly.  "But she's getting really good care at St. Jude's.  There's no reason to think it won't work."

"But Lin brought the other kids because she got so bad," she pointed out.

"Yes," I said.  "We thought seeing her dad and Felix especially would do her good.  We needed to call in the cavalry."

We were both quiet for a few minutes, just cuddling.  I was terrified that my child might die, but I couldn't let the other kids see that.  I had had to be the rock of the family for months, and it was draining.  Still, I'd do anything for my children.

"I'm scared," Molly said quietly, barely a whisper.

"I know," I said, kissing her head.  "I am too."

Molly fell asleep a while later.  Felix was curled up with Cam in the other bed, so I climbed in with Molly.  The four of us slept through the night, with the other two in our family seemingly far away.  How long would it be until we could all sleep under the same roof?