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Elaine had always marveled at how she was able to see grey when black and white blurred the lines between all logical reasoning. She was proud, ego easily bruised, but she had never really cared for it. After all, she did not see why she should care about what she felt that much. It never really bothered her much, anyway.
But all that really changed when Alexis came into the picture. Her bright smiles, sparkling dark eyes and the simple way she could Elaine’s heart leap at her every look, at every gesture. To Elaine, Alexis was walking sunshine.
Maybe it wasn’t love at all. Elaine muses, leaning against Queen, her brother’s trusty motorcycle. Ever since he had left for a university overseas, however, he left Queen in his twin sister’s care. The sky was beautiful today, too. Not as beautiful compared to when Alexis was around, though.
Birds and pine trees were now a regular in her life, she has come to realise. Not that it bothered her, though, it did bring back some memories, though they were not always good ones. She was foolish, she realised. She had left with the intent of forgetting the pain she felt being around Alexis, so why was she back to this cliff? A cliff that had over-watched the happy times spent with the girl she used to love.
Used to? Elaine cocks her head to the side, unsure of herself. Was she still in love with her? Was she ever in love with Alexis? Maybe not. After all, who would leave behind someone they loved? Should be right; she did not love Alexis. Maybe some crush. She would get over it soon.
Or would she? It has been three years.
Elaine breathes out heavily, feeling her breath mingle easily with the cold of the evening air around her, the scarf wrapped around her neck offering little protection against the biting chill. Her hands warm in the pockets of her leather jacket, she was reminded as to why she had left Alexis behind that day.
“You forgot your gloves.”
She smiles softly at the memory, looking up to catch the setting sun peeking cheekily at her amongst the thick, fluffy clouds. Alexis had changed so much. Well, Poole did mention that she was the one looking after her for the past years. She was no longer the Alexis she had loved. That was what she had wanted, was it not?
A ghost of Alexis still roams her brain and the depths of her heart, she knows. A ghost of the person Alexis was before. It traumatised Elaine to realise that she still loved the shadow of Alexis, and how much she wanted that Alexis to come back to her, to stop sleeping in the body of someone who looked so, so, much like her, but was not exactly her either.
Man, she was pathetic. She laughed to herself as she shook her head repeatedly in mockery towards the plight she had landed herself in. It was stupid, even for her.
The skies were grey now, littered with feathery wisps of clouds clinging onto empty air, the stale scent of rain growing stronger, foretelling the storm that was about to come. Small winds played with her chocolate locks, teasing her of the life she could have had, but was one she had tragically chosen to abandon because of the hope she had lost in the possibility of it.
Thinking about it too much made Elaine’s head hurt, so she flicks the wind off, adjusts her helmet comfortably atop her head, and climbs onto her motorcycle, kicking the engine alive. Driving down the mountain trail, Queen tossing pebbles and fragmented twigs in her wake, Elaine realises that the mountain cliff was not the most beautiful place she had ever been to anymore.
And she thinks she knows why.
In the past three years, a grey area had manifested in her mind, swirling with ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’, black where she could see white, white where she could see black. Elaine no longer prides herself in being able to see grey when black and white blurred the lines all the while her heart beats for someone else.
Someone else who does not exist anymore; the art of dreams and faded, dusted memories.
