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narrative.
To her, she was like walking sunshine: even brighter than the day, rays of light flashing from her wide, welcoming smile and the way that her personality coloured every single aspect of her life.
She had never expected that the day would come when she would see her sunshine wither. She looked small, defenseless, amongst the white sheets, all her glory diminshed, her rays dampened.
“Nothing serious.” The doctor remarked, a hand in the pocket of his white coat. “Was just a little too cold for comfort. Should have a forgetting spell too.”
“Thanks, doc.” She says dismissively, tossing chocolate hair behind her shoulder, her other hand finding comfort in the pocket of her jeans.
Nodding, the doctor excused himself from the room, closing the door with a little pipey whistle.
Bored, Elaine leaned against the cream walls of the hospital room, looking around aimlessly for something to keep her occupied.
“Just for your selfishness?”
She frowned. A picture flashed before her eyes: one of her best friend shivering uncontrollably in the cold, dark orbs leaking unspoken words in tears, as if they held more pain than they should.
The words had hurt more than she had expected it too. She knew that Alexis would be angry, but she had been taken aback at the fragile aura hovering around her, and she was reminded of why she was doing this. All of this.
But then, something else had caught Elaine by surprise, something that made her realise something else.
Why had Alexis looked at her like she wanted to kiss her?
Brows furrowing even more, her hand rubbing thoughtfully at her chin, Elaine cast a doubting glance at the sleeping form of Alexis.
Her pale face was peaceful now, rested. Much unlike the troubled one she had worn earlier, with unknown emotions buried under her mask.
“You’re so inconsiderate, you know?”
Elaine scoffed, pulling up a chair next to Alexis’ bedside and settling herself comfortably in it.
“You’re inconsiderate too.” She chortled softly, rubbing the back of her neck habitually. “You made me carry you here. You aren’t as light as you look.”
“Oh, I left you some lasagna in the fridge. Don’t blow it up in the microwave.” She let her hand fall, eyes softening. “I stuck a note on the oven just in case you can’t hear what I’m saying. Who am I kidding, you can’t.”
Elaine sighed, leaning back into the leather chair, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of Alexis’ chest, gentle and void of any pain.
“You shouldn’t have ran out, idiot. We could have had lasagna for breakfast. Together, of course.”
Light was streaming in from the blinds, cascading to fall onto Alexis’ skin, leaving golden kisses along her nose and slightly parted lips. Her chestnut fringe was curled up just above her brows, dark eyes hidden behind closed double eye-lids, a beautiful sight.
“I know what you want to tell me, Alexis.” Elaine mumbled softly, letting her hand travel to wrap Alexis’ limp hand in her own. “But I don’t know if I can say the same to you.”
“I like your boots.”
The way that Alexis had smiled to hide her pain was not missed by Elaine, who prided herself in being able to notice even the tiniest of details.
You can’t lie to me, idiot. Her grip tightened around Alexis’ hand, as if scared of letting go. We’ve known each other for two years. Coming to three, soon enough.
“I read your diary.” Elaine admits, running a hand through her hair. “I know I shouldn’t have, but I was slightly concerned. You were acting so weird for the past few weeks.”
She remembers the book splayed wide, its pages calling for her to read them, like a heart exposed, wishing for it to be understood. It had been laid on the sofa, and Elaine had chanced upon it the previous night before sleeping, ‘remember’ sketched over its black surface. She had stayed up to read the whole thing, a growing gloom over her shoulders as she finished each page.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered, her words tumbling over one another, disappointed in herself. “I can’t. I have someone else in my heart.”
“And she’s Alexis. The old Alexis. I wish for her to come back, but she can’t. She can’t when she’s forgetting who she is. I can’t love you when the old Alexis is all I can see. I can’t love you...when the old Alexis is who I fell in love with.” Elaine sobbed, raising Alexis’ hand to her forehead, its demure warmth the only indication of the person she used to be.
“I tried. I tried to pick up your fragments. Tried to make you remember who you are.” She gripped Alexis’ hand tighter than before, glad that she was unconscious. “I tried to pretend that everything was okay. That you were still...you.”
“You’re still you and honestly, that’s all that matters to me.”
Lies. All lies. Just to make Alexis feel better. Just to make herself feel better. Thinking about it now just disgusts her.
I’m such a monster. Elaine laughed bitterly to herself, returning Alexis’ hand on the bedsheets, where it should be, quiet and peaceful.
She got up, aware of the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, staring down at the girl she used to love, knowing that she was too weak to continue loving fragments of the girl Alexis used to be.
At least, she’ll forget me. Elaine tries to reason, putting her hands in her leather jacket that she liked to borrow from her twin brother. And with it, her pain too. I won’t stay to remind her of her pain and mine anymore.
Elaine stops at the door, hand on the doorknob, when a soft groan came from the bed.
“Elaine?” Alexis’s hoarse whisper almost convinced her to stay just for a little while longer, a glimmer of hope flitting before her. “Where am I? Where are you going?”
Elaine pulls herself out of her illusion, heart beating painfully in its place, and opens the door. “Goodbye, Alexis.”
“Wha–?” Alexis sat up quickly in her bed, groaning when she did so, a hand supporting her head. “Elaine–”
Elaine’s tone was final as she closed the door behind her, the doorknob clicking in place as she left. “Let go.”
“Elaine!”
It really hurt to see the girl she loved hurting. She could not bear the pain anymore. Her little sunshine would never be herself anymore.
Stupid brain disease. Elaine walks down the hall, tears burning and tearing at her eyes. Stupid Elaine.
Never would she have seen the day that she let go of the shadow of the girl she loved the most.
