Simply Complicated

chapter 36

Murat's POV

As soon as I prayed magrib salah , I came back to home , though my friend shoeb insisted me to stay and chill with him , but my head was paining badly , so I returned home.

"Ammi I am back home " I shouted while entering my house.

Saba was sitting on the sofa busy chatting with someone ignoring her I went straight to ammi

"Ammi , I am hungry .
Give me something to eat "

"Yeah, you go and have a seat . I am bringing tea for both of you" she said

"No need to give her anything, she is already getting fat " I said loudly teasing her so that She could hear .

"I heard that " said Saba

After a nice tea break , I was about to go upstairs in my room but ammi's phone rang .

I thought it to be one of my sister's call so instead of going up I sat there listening to the one sided conversation.

It was a bright and lazy Sunday . whole day i spent sleeping and watching cricket.
I took a week off from work because since 2 months , I was continuesly working and break was a must .

After talking to the person , ammi said
"Zeenath's getting married , her engagement ceremony is tomorrow and we all are invited . Not many are invited but she wants saba to attend her engagement "

"Oh wow, ma sha Allah. I am so happy for her .
May God grant her all the happiness she deserves " Saba squealed

Both of them were happy but I was faking my happiness. I smiled and went upstairs.

In my room I sat , remembering all the time we spent , things have changed drastically. I know , I left her , but I never knew it would be so hurtful to hear about her marriage . I still regret every action of mine . I am guilty of what I did.

I troubled the innocent girl, whom I called mine at that time . I had genuine feelings for her and I still have and I respect her alot . When I got to know that her mom knows everything about us , I got scared .

I literally kept my phone in one of my bags and for two days didn't even dared to look at it . I was shattered and confused. I had no idea what to do . One thing that I realised after that horror scene was , I am not good for her and she deserves so much better.

I am a coward , I cannot even give simple thing such as commitment. Whenever she used to asked me if I was scared of my closed ones , I used to say that I am not scared I just respect them .
But we both knew how much these relationships scared me .

I was happy to find her , it was quite unexpected. I accepted her as a gift from Allah but I wasn't sure . Every time it felt as if we were doing something wrong and against our family.

When the reality hit me hard , I thought about the reaction of my family if they would found out about her . It's haraam in islam to date . The start itself wasn't right. We both were disobeying our creator .

I didn't meant to be rude but before things got worst , I thought I should end it here. I was wrong for being selfish and taking the decision without her consult . I started ignoring her. She hates when people ignore her and that's exactly what i did so that She herself stops talking .

I know she would probably hate me for the things I did but trust me if we started off with a right way then I would have never let her go.

I still adore her but I am shy and was shy enough to confess my real feelings in front of her. Since childhood I am like a closed book ,full of mysteries and fantasies , and I don't usually allow people to enter my world .