Fate II ADOPTED BY SHANE DAWSON!!

Relapse

The whole Lauren situation has been eating me up from the inside, and no matter how hard I scrub myself in the shower, the dirtiness never comes off. I feel bad, violated. I feel way worse then I used to feel when my own father would do this to me, its just something about Lauren that sets the situation on steroids. She threatened to ruin Shane and his career. I dont care what she does to me, but for Shane, he's been working so hard.

We moved to a new house with way more yard space, and Shane even got a golf car to roam the property. Ryland said the big yard space is for the farm animals, but I dont think we are ever going to actually get a goat or something. It will only come down to Ryland tending the animals.

Cheeto purrs in my lap as I start to cry. School has been hell, I've lost my popular flame, and now I can't even hang with Raven or everybody will think we're a couple. Its gotten so bad, Raven and I have been skipping the rest of the day from lunch, and coming to the panick room.

Cut, you haven't stayed in school for a whole three days in a row. So cut.

I twirl the razor blade in my fingers with uncertainty. I love Shane and Ryland, but I dont want to hurt them. I want to be able to not cut, or drink, or do anything bad to my body. I wish I was normal.

There's a ding, and I pick my phone up expecting it to be Raven. I am so wrong. I regret even looking at the horrible message.

Lauren: Wya slut.

If only I could tell Nicole about her immature girlfriend. If only I could tell Shane about this. If only I could have screamed and faught back, instead of listiming to this bitch.

U know it's going to make you feel better.

"I promised.." I mumble under my breath.

Lauren: I'm coming to ur house, r u home alone?

I have to reply, what do I do?

Me: Shane and the boys are home, even if u come, I'll make sure to make u leave.

Lauren: Tmrw then, at my place.

I sigh, tears rolling down my face. This is so wrong, not only to my sister, but to Shane as well. He doesn't even know, and I need to tell him..i just don't want to hurt anyone. I've already done enough.

"I'm sorry Shane.." I whisper as I dig the blade into my wrists."I'm so sorry."

I gasp at the familiar relieving pain, and the beads of maroon blood dripping slowly down my wrists.

More, this isn't enough.

I nod at the voices, finding wherever to cut on my covered forearm and wrists. I sigh at my numb arm, pulling my skirt up to cut at my upper thighs. This time I go deeper until my skin flashes white before covering up with blood.

You deserve this. It will always make you feel better.

I keep going, the voices getting louder. Screaming in my head to cut more.

You are nothing, you don't deserve Shane or Ryland. You don't deserve a family. Commit, this time, make sure you really drown.

I put my hands over my ears, dropping the bloodied blade and sobbing."SHUT UP!" I scream at the top of my lungs, taking the blade and recklessly cutting.

Not until you kill yourself.

A wave of nausea hits me, and my movements start to slow down on my thighs."SHANE MAKE....MAKE IT STOP!"

The door swings open, revealing a very pale Shane. I dont care as I continue to please my demons.

"MAKE IT STOP!" I pull at my hair, dropping the blade covered in my blood.