Fate II ADOPTED BY SHANE DAWSON!!

Thoughts and Urges

I dont say a word to Ryland as we pull up to Morgan's apartment. I dont have anything to say to anyone, I can't. I'm over the whole feel sorry for me tantrum earlier, I'm just over everything. I'm done trying to protect people, it never ends right.

"So you're just going to drop me off at Morgan's because you cant handle me?" I break the silence, longing for my phone that Shane still has.

Ryland sighs heavily, stressed."No, I'm dropping you off to get some more time with Morgan, I thought that's what you wanted. People care about you, and it effects us too when you-"

The apartment parking lot starts to spin into a blur all around me. My breathing starts to pick up, and my eyes franticly bounce around the car for anything still.

"...you don't understand how hard it is for all of us. Shane and I need to talk as well...."

Everything's slowly ebbing away into darkness. Ryland's voice is just fading away into nothing.

A small wicked tree stands proudly in the middle of a grassy plain. There's a old rope hanged on one of the branches with a loop swaying in the summer breeze.

I feel it calling my name, drawing me closer and closer to the tree. I dont stop the rope from looping around my neck, or the tree magically floating its branches up higher for me to be lifted up by the rope.

I can't breathe.

That's when it all kicks in. I can't leave now, Shane would never forgive me, and his career would be way over.

I claw at the rope, desperately trying to loosen the rope, but it only tightens slowly. Its torture. I'm clawing, gasping in the middle of a lonely plain, trying to do anything to set me free.

Images of Shane, Ryland, Raven, and everyone that cares flash into my blurry mind. Tears start to fall as my hands fall limply to my sides.

"I-I.." I gasp, wasting precious air."I...D-Dont..wanna..g-go.."

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I am forced back into reality. My throat from the so vivid dream aches, almost as if the dream was real.

I wish

Then there's tears at my horrible thought of letting go. In the dream I was fighting for my life, but now in the real world, I want it over. I can't continue without Shane, and I don't understand anything anymore. I'm not in control, and it scares me.

"Oooh the beast has awakened!"

I shut my eyes even tighter, wanting to be alone. I can hear Morgan laugh at her own joke, followed by Andrew's famous giggle.

"Awww, don't be sad because sad spelled backwards is das, and das not good." Morgan throws a cheezit at me.

Fuck off.

I wipe away the tears and the false hope of me magicly waking up to Shane. I miss him, and all I get is a immature Morgan, and her annoying ginger head.(no offense )

I just want that dream to come true, and I know how bad that is. I have everything with Shane and Ryland, but I have to be so selfish about everything. I'm no good.

"umm, Queen Ry, Ry of Rylantis told me to keep an eye on you, so you're staying downs stairs with mua."

I roll my eyes, as I continue up the stairs to the office. Maybe I can forget about my suicidal thoughts if I relax with some YouTube or something.

I scoff at the home page drama surrounding me and Shane. The fans are crazy, wanting to know where I am, and why I tried to commit suicide. I dont even know how they've found bits and pieces of the Lauren situation.