Never Let Me Go~Bagginshield

Conscience.

It was hard to deal with explaining to all the other Dwarves (and Gandalf's old ass) why I left. They all had so many questions. They were all surrounding me, wondering why I had went away with no explanation. I tried my best to answer all of their questions, but I couldn't take it after a while. I got up and excused myself, going to sit outside.

What happened? I was happy for the longest time. Then the Orcs came, and took me away. And when I returned, Thorin was no longer mine. His heart had been captured by the Arkenstone. 

"Bilbo." His old voice called to me, and I turned to see Gandalf stepping outside. He stood above me. 

"Gandalf."

"We are happy that you have returned. The Dwarves are just confused. You know how that goes." He sighed. 

"Of course. I understand. I have no qualms coming back." That was a lie. Obviously I did have qualms. But Gandalf didn't understand. He never would. And there was no point even trying to explain it to him because he would never see my side. 

"I think the only thing that is the worst is returning to bury the dead," I added. "I never wanted this for any of them. I know the battle was won, but at what cost? We lost Kili. We lost nearly everyone. And the whole time, I was with Thranduil and Bard, not having a care in the world, while my friends were being slaughtered."

"There was nothing you could have done, Bilbo." Gandalf's voice was surprisingly gentle. "In war, there are casualties. There will always be casualties. The only thing we can do is stand again, and live for them, with their memories intact. They will never be forgotten."

I didn't answer. He was right, of course, but I just did not know the right words to respond with. I got up and went to find Balin. I found him and approached him. "Is there anyway to help Thorin?" I asked. "To free him from the hold of the Arkenstone?"

Balin sighed. That was never a good sign. "I don't know. This only happened once before. When it drove his grandfather mad. I was hoping that maybe seeing you again, he would come to his senses, and let it go. But I can see that it has not happened yet."

"He is not the same. I fell in love with Thorin when he was kind, and caring. He was brave. I could feel the love he had for me and I knew how much he cared. But now, all I feel from him is nothing but coldness. He hates me." I turned away, refusing to look Balin in the eye.

"Now lad, I know he does not hate you. This I can promise. His mind is being overtaken, and his conscience is no longer intact. We must find a way to free him from the Arkenstone's grasp. I know you can do it, Bilbo. I will help anyway I can. I found these." He pulled some old, dusty books (I swear these things were older than fucking Gandalf) off the shelf and set them down in front of me with a loud ass thud. He flipped open the pages and a puff of dust flew up in front of our face. I coughed and waved my hand, to get the dust away from my eyes. 

"What are these?" 

"Ancient books with some spells inscripted inside. Take them to Thranduil. I wonder if he may be able to help us find one that will save Thorin from this terrible hold that the stone has over him."

"Why Thranduil? Isn't Gandalf the wizard?"

"Between you and I, lad, Gandalf isn't much good for a lot these days. Thranduil dabbled a bit in the art of magic in his younger years." He handed the book to me, and when I took it I swear it weighed a fucking ton. I involuntarily grunted. 

"Okay. I will do this for Thorin. What if there is no spell?"

"One step at a time, lad. Let us try this first, and then we will try to discover more options if need be."

I took the book and began a long trek back to Thranduil and Bard, where I had come from in the first place. Hopefully this would help ease my conscience.