Never Let Me Go~Bagginshield

...Or Not At All.

Bofur was waiting outside, by the carriage. He must have seen the look on my face because he immediately came forward to comfort me. "What happened, Laddie?"

"Nothing bad. Nothing...we professed our love for each other."

"Oh? Then why the tears?"

I couldn't take him seriously in that ridiculous hat, so despite everything, I chuckled. But then I grew solemn again. "I'm leaving, Bofur."

"Leaving? Where to? What happened?" He looked so genuinely confused.

"I have promises to keep, in Bag End. Things I have to take care of there. Thorin wanted me to stay, and I wanted him to go, but we can't. This love is pulling us in different directions, and neither one of us can stay with the other." I sighed.

"So are you leaving for good? Back to the Shire? Not even Mirkwood?" He sounded so sad. Why did all of this hurt me so much? I was leaving the man I loved, and friends, too. It was harder than I had ever imagined. But Frodo needed me. I could sense that my sister was getting worse by the day, and no one else was there for her. I couldn't let my nephew end up an orphan.

"I may pass through Mirkwood to say goodbye. But after that, I'm going home. I am happy to have helped you reclaim your home, and to have been a part of these rituals burying your fallen, but I have to go. I knew this moment would come, I just didn't know it would feel like this."

"Then I wish you all the luck in the world, Bilbo." He bowed, and took my hand. I thought he was going to shake it, but he just held it. I smiled up at him.

"Thank you, Bofur. You are a true friend. I will never forget you."

Right before I got in the carriage, for some reason, I turned and looked up. Thorin was up there, on the ramparts, looking down at me. I met his gaze. It took everything I had not to rush back into Erebor and agree to stay there. I could arrange for Frodo to come stay here...

No. Erebor was no place to raise a child. And Frodo didn't need to live a life of such turbulence. I put a hand up, waving to Thorin, and he did the same. I got inside the carriage and looked at him through the window until he was nothing but a speck on the horizon.

*****************

I stopped at Mirkwood and went inside to bid my goodbyes to Bard and Thranduil. I also told Gandalf goodbye. For once, he didn't question my choices, or try to convince me to do anything else. He just wished me the best, and for that I was grateful.

I dug in my pack and handed Bard the potion. He looked at it, and then at me quizzically. "What is this for, Master Baggins?"

I explained quickly its use, and the consequences. "If you ever need it, and all hope is lost, then take it. I have no use for it anymore."

Tauriel, the young Elf maiden that had left with Fili, approached me and bid me farewell. I had an opportunity to talk to Fili, and he seemed a bit shocked when I told him Thorin wasn't going with me. I shrugged. I had never expected him to. It just would have made me happy.

The journey back to the Shire took a couple months, and I was glad to have returned when I did. My sister had become worse, and she wasn't recovering. It was written in her will that I look after Frodo, and become his legal guardian.

I used the time before me to write my book. I wanted everyone to know about my adventures, and the things I had experienced. I also wanted them to learn about love. Real, genuine love. Anyone who read the book needed to know that love was not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it was rain and darkness.

I stopped halfway through the first chapter to cry. I cried until I was hollow. I cried until I had nothing left, and I was shuddering in the corner. I sobbed until I threw up. All I wanted was to go back in time. I longed to hear the bell ring. I longed to hear him knock...

That thought made me cry even more. He was the only one that had knocked.

And that night, when I fell asleep, I dreamed of Thorin. I dreamt of us walking down a hallway paved with gold. I saw two thrones, side by side, a future I would never have, because I walked away.

I had left behind my treasure, a man by the name of Thorin Oakenshield.