Infatuated

fourteen. (bulimia warning)

"Katalina.." I hear Matt say in a deep raspy voice while he plays with my hair. "Kevin and the guys came back, it's time for movie night my love," Matt says while he kisses my forehead. I awake to see Matt's beautiful brown-green eyes staring back at mine. I climb on top of Matt to where he is laying down flat on the bed and I on top of his "area". I cup his face with my hands bringing it close enough for to kiss him as I do. "Matt?" I say releasing from his kiss. "Yes?" He says putting his hands around my waist. "I love you." I say staring in his eyes that I wanted to get lost in. Taking notice in each freckle he had below his eyes, and how they resemble stars in the sky. "I love you too." Matt says back to me. I smile as does he. "God you're so beautiful." He tells me moving the hair in my face behind my ear. He caresses my face and I kiss him. "C'mon baby, lets go watch a movie!" I say getting off of him and reaching my hand out hoping for him to take it. He takes my hand and I guide him out of the bedroom into the living room and we sit down next to each other.

"Just in time fuckbirds." Ciarán says to me and Matt as we plop down on the beige couch I became so familiar with. "I think it's love birds?" Jabari corrects him while putting the disk into the DVD player. "Lovebirds, fuckbirds, same fucking difference. What matters is they're cute and it's pissing me off." Everyone stares at Ciarán and everyone's faces read "what the actual fuck?" but I pay no mind to him. "Robert, come here baby." Ciarán says as they snuggle up together. The movie starts and everyone is cuddling.

Movie night is finally over, I feel so fucking sick. I ate so fucking much today and I feel like I'm gonna-. I hear my stomach rumbling and my whole body taking over the queasiness it feels. I immediately get up and hop over to the bathroom. "Katalina, what's wrong?" Everyone asks me in 100 different ways. I get to the bathroom and I kneel and I start to throw up, not by force this time.

I finally finish throwing up and I start to ball my eyes out. "Katalina!" Matt crashes through the door I locked and see me sitting on his bathroom floor with my hair a mess and my face covered in puke and tears. "Come here baby, it's alright. I got you. It's okay." Matt hugs me on the floor next to me and I cry all of my tears on his shirt.

Merlyn comes in the bathroom, "hey, man I got her, you can go change your shirt." Merlyn says to Matt. "Are you sure?" Matt says. "Yeah, I know what I'm doing." Merlyn says and Matt leaves the bathroom to change his shirt and shuts the door behind him. "Katalina, I know what you're going through and I went through the same thing, it's okay. Things are going to get better." Merlyn says cleaning the puke and tears off of Katalinas face. "Wait." Katalina says and sniffles a bit. "You been bulimic?" "Nobody in the group knows but I've struggled with bulimia in the past. Have you told Matt?" Merlyn says cleaning me up and making me look approachable again. "No. I have no idea how I'm going to tell him or what he's going to think and I'm fucking scared." I say tying my hair into a ponytail. "Kat, you need to tell him." Merlyn says getting me off the floor and cleaning the bathroom. "You're right. I will." I say and I give Merlyn a hug. "Thanks." I say with head buried in his neck. "You're welcome." He says and lets go of me. "Now." He puts his hands on my shoulders. "Go get your fucking man." He says with a smile after and I smile back at him.

I walk into Matt's room and he's singing "Cigarette Daydreams." By Cage The Elephant with his shirt off. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. "Oh Katalina. Are you okay?" Matt says putting on a shirt. "Um, yeah. I texted Cara the address so she can bring my toothbrush and things over. But there's something I need to talk to you about." I sit on the bed in a "criss cross applesauce" format as does Matt in front of me. "I'm here for you baby, you can tell me anything." Matt says with a smile. "Promise?" I say taking my hand out and holding my pinkie finger up waiting for Matt to "pinkie promise" me. "I promise, and I will never judge you." Matt says "pinkie promising" me. We release our pinkies from each other and my heart starts running a marathon.

"Matt, I have an eating disorder." I say finally and I start to tear up. Matt scoots next to me and puts his arm around me and I put my head on the crevice of his neck. "Katalina, like I said, I am going to be here for you. Forever and always." I start crying again but this time happy tears. "Matt, thank you, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier it's just so hard telling people. I love you so much." And I hug Matt as tight as I can making sure I will never loose him.

He is too good to me.

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A/N

Hi, sorry I haven't updated in a while. I just finished the semester so I'm gonna write more. Again, if you have an eating disorder, it's okay to get help and if you need anyone to talk to. I'm here.