The Mess We Made (C.H) [ON HOLD]

Chapter 9 - Mia

The boys and Nicole had left at 11, much to my relief, and yet three hours later, I still couldn't sleep. In a way, I was glad that the night had finished; Alex had been acting weirdly everytime I even looked at Michael, and when I moved to join him on the floor so that we could argue about the best superhero without annoying anyone, he almost growled at us. It was getting on my nerves and there wasn't really mich more I could have taken.

It didn't really help that as soon as we returned from the kitchen, Calum and Nicole had been all over eachother, cuddling and laughing at private jokes. They kept stealing glances at Michael and I, as we sat commenting on the movies and playing 21 questions, and their constant giggling just added to my bad mood. It was as if everyone suspected something between the two of us, which couldn't be more wrong. Michael had decided he was going to play cupid, and kept bugging me about telling Calum how I felt. But I couldn't tell him - he was clearly into Nicole and there was no point in ruining our friendship (which had only just started - because I had some childish crush. It would probably go away soon anyway; it wasn't like he would feel the same.

But there was a part of me - guaranteed it was a small part - that was telling me to try, to be reckless, to give it a go. It was a part of me that had been silent since Ben died, but was slowly growing bigger as I sat staring at the ceiling. Michael's words about his Green Day ticket kept running through my head, creating daydreams of Calum declaring his feelings for me whilst Billie Joe left out from behind a bush and serendaed us. Okay, so that was never going to happen, but I could dream right?

So, maybe Michael was right. I needed to tell him. But saying it to his face would be a problem - if he didn't feel the same it would be the worst thing ever. An image of Nicole snuggling into Calum's arm from the movie marathon popped into my head, reminding me that I might be too late. They looked so good together, and whilst I wanted to be her, I still couldn't help but compare myself to her. She fitted with Calum perfectly, her blonde hair reaching past her waist, and her bright blue eyes contrasting to his dark brown quiff perfectly. Hell, even I shipped them.

But the voice in the back of my head wouldn't let me sleep. Grabbing my phone from my bed, I plugged my headphones in and pressed shuffle. With Rivals by Her Bright Skies blasting in my ears, I decided that if I needed to write everything down. It was something I had started doing a year ago; whenever I had a bad day, or was upset, I would write a letter. Most of the time I never sent it, or even kept it, but writing down everything put it into perspective and usually cleared my head. Also, I might even give it to Calum, possibly.

Taking a deep breath, I tore a page from my notebook, grabbed a pen and started to write.

Two hours later, my playlist had repeated twice, and I had finally written something I was happy with.

Dear Calum,

So, before you actually read this, I just want you to promise me you won't stop being my friend. It sounds stupid, but I couldn't stand it if this caused you to hate me. So go on, promise. This letter won't go anywhere. Okay, so I really hope you keep that promise, because this is one of the most nerve wracking things I have ever done. Probably worse than the time Alex dared me to shave a heart in our cat's fur and Mum noticed. I swear she was so mad she turned purple. So yeah, this is more scary than that.

I guess I don't really let people in, like properly, but somehow, in about three days, you've broken down all the walls I built up after Ben died. You were the first and only person I have actually told about him. Somehow, for some reason, I trust you. And that's what scares me.

So what I'm really trying to say is that you've not just broken through my walls, but you're the first person in a long time to do so. I think I'm falling for you Calum. And it's Michael's fault for making me tell you this, but I fall for you a little more every day. You're my sinshine, and I really really hope you don't hate me, or block me out. Even if you don't feel the same, please please don't hate me.

Mia xxx

{Author's note}

Hey again guys, so it wasn't a back to back update but it was as quick as I could manage :) Hopefully I'll have another one up this week soon. :) xxx