Dear Stan Marsh

Entry 7- Nov 28, 2018

Entry 7- Nov 28, 2018

Dear Friend,

I never went into what exactly happened. It's long, but if you want to continue be at risk that my relapse wasn't pretty.

After my visit with family and friends, I ended up feeling hopeless of never coming out of this- never getting better. Never coming home. I had just finished my shower Saturday when I saw that there was a razor from a previous person. Seemed to me that whoever had monitored and cleaned the shower room had forgotten to remove the object. I knew it was just a razor to shave, but I had used them before.

Once I started, it was like...reliving it all in a wonderful way. I could finally feel something stir in my body again. I hadn't felt this way in what seemed like weeks. The blood that bubbled up on my left arm- the razor that sliced at the skin. It wasn't the best razor, no, but it did its job. When I stopped, it wasn't because I wanted to. I heard the aide knock at the door. I had reached my fifteen minute mark. I cursed and tried to clean up what I could, but it was too late. I was caught.

I was immediately taken to the infirmary and then to Ruth Ann, after I had gotten dressed.

My doors been removed and I'm now under suicide watch. I tried to explain, but to them I'm sick. Hell, Ruth Ann said she'd have to call my mom. I told her to not do that because I knew mom would tell Kyle's mom, which meant Kyle would know.

I'm sitting in my room with Luke outside my door. He gave me my space but if I made any movement he cocked a heather grey eye into the door frame. I really regret hurting myself, but at the same time it felt nice to live again.

I'm sorry, mom.

I'm sorry, Kyle.

I'm sorry, Sparky.

I hope I can come home again soon. I mean for good. I don't wanna return here again. This place is causing me to feel caged. That's what Pete had told me. The reason why a caged bird does not sing is because she is caged. Once free would she sing again. Maybe Pete was onto something.

I'm tired...

Come to think of it, I haven't seen Pete since Kyle's basketball game. Hell, I can barely remember that game..I don't know why.

hm...

I'm going to lay down and try to sleep with Luke outside. It's weird...

With Love,

Stanley Marsh

Notes:

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