Dear Stan Marsh

Entry 24- April 18, 2019

Dear friend,

Kyle's been a little distant. I don't know what's happened. I saw him yesterday and he just seemed so troubled.

We sat together outside under the weeping willow, holding hands. He looked at me then towards the gate surrounding us and the building. He stuck a cigarette between his lips, lighting it. Sucking in the nicotine, I sensed the stress immediately. I was a problem to him. I am.

"Stan," he breathed out. "I really wish I could figure out what happened. I never thought it would be Gary. Wendy keeps telling me that's all she can pinpoint, but I don't believe it."

"When are you supposed to be meeting up with him?" I asked, playing with my bandaged left arm.

"In a few days. He's meeting Wendy and I at City Wok on Sunday at noon," he replied with the cigarette back in his mouth. "come on. Let's get you inside, okay?"

With a nod, he walked with me back to my room and gave me a kiss.

When he left, the tears flooded my eyes. I couldn't stop them.

I hugged the blue stuffed dog, Andy, to my chest until I fell asleep.

Any time I fall asleep now, I have nightmares. There's nothing this place can do to prevent them.

"My sweet raven," a soft voice whispered in the dark.

My eyes snapped open, but I said not a word.

"Raven? Are you awake?" the voice whispered.

With a shaky hand, I grabbed a flashlight from under my pillow, turned it on, and faced the beam in direction of the voice.

What I saw was terrifying. I couldn't stop looking.

It was as though Kyle and Gary were split down their middles and forced together, yet bloodier. The hybrid laughed wickedly whilst holding up a cage.

"Ready for your wings to be clipped, Raven? You'll never run away again," it said demonically.

I blinked and then I was inside the cage, my legs were chopped off and the hybrid stood before me, giggling.

"Such a good raven. My caged bird shall never leave again," it cackled.

I screamed as loud as I could.

I kept screaming. Screaming for all I was worth. Calling out for Kyle. Mom. Dad. Sparky. Anyone that wasn't Gary.

Hands tried to hold me down as I tried to push them away. I sobbed and hiccuped for Kyle. Everything hurt- even my lungs burned. I could feel my throat starting to constrict.

A needle was shoved into my arm then I felt my inhaler in my mouth.

When things came to, I was in ICC with an IV in my arm. I looked down at my arm. A reminder of what I had done to myself.

I want to end me. I can't do this anymore.

A blonde nurse stepped into the room. "Stanley, Kyle is on his way. He will be here soon," she said to me.

Kyle did come. He looked exhausted. I could hardly even look at him. Guilt was overwhelming as it filled me like a lead block in the pit of my stomach. He ended up falling asleep in the chair while he held my hand.

I'm too much for Kyle. He doesn't need this...

with love,

Stan Marsh