Dear Stan Marsh

Entry 26- May 26, 2019

Dear friend,

I haven't heard or seen Kyle for a week. I feel so alone at times even when Tweek is with me. I just wanted to get some answers of my own about the conversation with Gary- how it went. Kyle swore up and down it was Gary. Gary hurt me. Gary was the one spreading notes.Gary was the one at the homecoming game. Yet, even when I went back to think if Gary was there I can't see his face. Can't ever see it. I can't.

I walked blindly to the bathroom with my stuffed dog, blue and white, named Andy. I sat him down on the counter then backed up to a stall, sitting down. I buried my face in my hands as tears began to stream down my face. There is no answer to why I'm fucked up. I'm broken!

Standing up, I slammed the door shut to the stall and sobbed out. I collapsed to the floor with shoulders heaving up and down. Tears streamed heavy and hot down my pale cheeks while everything I'd been holding onto puddled onto the floor in a pool of sorrow and hopelessness. What was I doing anymore? Who was I?

Before I could stop myself, I grabbed the knife from between the sole of my shoe- It wasn't there. It wasn't there. Just a note that was dirty from however long it was there. I read it:

Stan,

If you need to hurt yourself, get a marker and write my name on your arms.

love

Kyle

I felt slight rage. He took the knife. God fucking damn it!

I slammed hands on the stall door in defeat. Today was not a win. Today was a fucking failure! Today was not good. I screamed out Kyle's name in agony as the disgusting tears fell faster.

Before I knew it, a nurse was at my side, holding me. She whispered sweet nothings in my ear and rocked me as I sobbed out for Kyle or mom. I promised I didn't hurt myself. She believed me.

She helped me and Andy to my room, giving me some medicine she claimed would calm me down. There was no calming this storm. She had no idea what the fuck I was going through.This was hell on earth for me.

I stared at her with such a dead, solemn expression with my blue eyes, broken and bloodshot.

She tucked me into bed, knowing the meds were just a narcotic to help crazy people like me fall asleep.

They're moving me to a private room. They said I'm too much for Tweek. I can't be by myself...I'm scared to be alone. Help me...