Dear Stan Marsh

Entry 29- June 16-20, 2019

Dear Friend,

I can't sleep.

With love,

Stan

–

Dear Friend,

Kyle came over for a few minutes just to tell me about how he got a job at an auto-shop. He insisted he was going to help my mom pay my psychiatric bills. I told him not to worry about it. He shook his head, gave me a kiss, and we ate lunch together.

With love,

Stan.

–

Dear Friend,

I remember when I first got here all because I attempted suicide, but they kept me longer. Mom insisted I stay even more because of my nightmares and inability to sleep. Not to mention my drinking and cutting.

I was craving a White Russian, or a large Jack Daniel's.

One night, I was at Cartman's with the gang and we drank, but not Kyle.Cartman was so drunk that he was telling us how he was anything but straight. Kenny got so drunk that he was telling us about Hell.Then there was me, I was crying over Kyle. Literally. I sat in his lap and told him how much I loved him with tears streaming down my face.

Once the night had settled, Kyle took me outside in my drunken state, wobbling against his shoulders to backyard. We lay outside on a blanket together while I sang the song Perfect by Ed Sheeran to Kyle. He took my hand and told me he'd love me forever, that it was a promise.

We fell asleep together.

I miss those days.

with love,

Stan Marsh

–

Dear friend,

I woke up to a nurse in my room with a pill in a tiny cup. She told me it was time for my meds, so I took them. It's becoming so..repetitive and robotic. Wake up. Medicine. Eat. Medicine. Activity. Eat. Therapy. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. I want out of here so badly. I just want it over with...

with love,

Stan Marsh

–

Dear friend,

I was pulled out today to go to the high school with Kyle. The school was opened for anyone to get their yearbooks, so Kyle thought it would be perfect timing to go.

When I got mine, I bumped into Henrietta and Michael. I froze. Kyle had walked to the bathroom and said he'd be a minute. I was alone.

"Hey, Raven," Henrietta said.

I swallowed. "Hi. Congrats on graduating," I said.

"Thanks. I hope you're doing better. We were going to see you at Hell's Pass today- We were just about to go to see Pete," Henrietta said.

"Pete's there?" I said confused.

Michael nodded with a small sigh. "Yeah. He's there because of being a pyromaniac and his cynical way of life. He's been almost as long as you have. I'm surprised you didn't hear about it," he said.

Everything went in a 360. I don't know what it was. Something was causing me to have a panic attack. It was like that night all over again.

Next thing I knew, Kyle was in front of me. Screaming my name as everyone watched in fear. In fear that I had gone silent. In fear that I was dying. In fear that I wouldn't return to reality.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I was frozen.

My abusive ex-boyfriend had been living in the same facility without me knowing.