Dear Stan Marsh

Kyle & Stan Entry #1

Stan and Kyle Entry #1

Dear friend,

I...the week is over and I had nothing to even say. Kyle dumped me off at this place again. I know he cares about me, wants me back and healthy, and wants me to be happy. I'm just starting to feel like being here isn't helping. Ruth Ann says it's good for me, but why? All I do is cry or distract myself until the memories start to flood inside of me like I'm a sick fuck.

I don't get it. What the hell happened?! All Kyle can fucking tell me is he found me on the god damn bathroom floor in the school after his basketball game! I wasn't responsive. Just a crying mess. Part of me wonders if I was having another break down because of Sparky passing, or something. I wish I could just remember. Then Kyle wouldn't be so upset with me! I can see it in his eyes. He wants me to remember. He wants me to be his Stan again, whoever that is.

I'm starting to feel like I'm just a lost cause. I guess I haven't gotten the cognitive thinking really started yet. Maybe I will. I'm just sitting in the bathroom for another five minutes until my time is up. I'm just sitting on the stool. Please let this nightmare end. Someone has to know what happened to me. They have to...

With Love,

Stanley Marsh

—

The day finally came. I had to take stan back and god it was the worst. I felt awful leaving him there. It's for the best and I tried to tell him that. I tried to tell him that being here will help get all those shitty feelings out of him because i dont fucking know how to help him, but it hurts so much seeing those sweet puppy eyes watching me as i left.

My room feels so empty now without him. I just want to help him get better so he can get out. I only care about his well being and i just want to see him smile again without any worry in those eyes.

stan, im so sorry

-Kyle