Dear Stan Marsh

Kyle's Letters #5

I guess I owe everyone on this blog an apology. We've been radio silent for awhile now, not because things have gone wrong, but because things mellowed out and we just are back to square one. There's nothing to say right now. After I ended up beating Gary up in rage, Wendy and I finally confronted him about the entire situation. I couldn't wait much longer to find out the truth.

I saved a recording of it because i wanted the confession. I wanted the audio for police, but that's not what I got. You never get what you want in this fucking town. You get more messed up shit throwing you deeper and deeper into the shit hole.

I don't even know if I can release the evidence. Why the hell would anyone care? I mean, I could. I could if it mattered. If the empty void im shouting into shouted back.

I will if you guys really want me to, but long story short, Gary was framed. Someone copied his handwriting. He's completely innocent. We're out of leads. Out of options.

I can't fucking do this anymore. I can't handle this anymore. I love Stan. I always have, but this is becoming greater than the shit we did as kids, not because its involving the general public, but because it's involving me. It's involving Stan. It's involving my family.

The smoke is burning my lungs. My eyes keep stinging. My fingers are bleeding from plucking the strings of the guitar over and over, trying to clear my head. The calluses cant handle the amount of sorrow i have. I'm no fucking better than Stan. The only difference he got help. He has people who care. I could never tell him what's in my head, the things I think about late at night.

I could never be in his position. There's no where to go from here. There's no turn around, no answers, no magic happy ending. Things don't just get better because you find a bit of hope deep inside you. They don't get better because you pray to God for a miracle. News flash: miracles are lies fed to you from those above you to keep you from slashing your throat open.

I might not know many things, but I know one thing is certain.

There is no God.

-Kyle