Hidden Villages

I: Biting Humor

"Is no news better than bad news?"

Asuma's head darted up from his position behind the Hokage. He kept his voice lowered so his grandfather could not hear him speak. "Is the reason you're speaking so the Hokage can't hear because this has to do with Uzumaki Naruto?"

"I've still not heard back from Umino about whether I am allowed to be apprised of Naruto's educational progress, but I've not heard from the Hokage whether I am forbidden either."

"Iruka isn't the type to go back on his word, so if he told you he would ask my grandfather, then he will. He may just not have had the time to ask him. I've heard this years academy students are a handful, and not just because Naruto is one of the students."

Kakashi's head darted up. His eyes widened like a child fond of sweets in a candy store. "Really? What have you heard?"

One of Asuma's eyebrows shot up. "I've not heard much, but I did hear they made Suzume cry."

"Phtt." Kakashi's eyes narrowed. "It's really easy to make her cry. You simply have to show her mud. Just a single speck will set her off regarding germs." A pair of silver-haired eyebrows shot up and he looked Asuma in the eye. "Apparently she also at one point thought we were dating?"

Asuma looked at Kakashi in amusement. "So, you couldn't tell that the ramen stalls daughter had a crush on you, yet you know that Suzume is one of your personal stalkers."

"I wouldn't call her a stalker. And what do you mean that little girl had a crush on me? Aren't I like, old enough to be her father."

A laugh escaped Asuma's mouth. "Hold on. You actually twenty-year-old you is old enough to have a daughter who is eleven-years-old?"

"Yes?" Kakashi wondered if that was the right answer. Asuma's next steps brought him closer to Kakashi so that he could put the silver-haired shinobi into a headlock. "Hey. We're supposed to be guarding the Hokage, not goofing off."

Asuma refused to let go of Kakashi and instead took the knuckles of his first to Kakashi's head. He also spoke loud enough for the Hokage to hear, almost purposefully so. "Dude, there is no way a nine-year-old kid can have a child!"

"It's ten-year-old child as I am almost twenty-one, not twenty, and yes. It is completely possible for a kid that age to have a child."

The color drained from Asuma's face. "What the hell is wrong with you? Ten-year-old kids shouldn't be having kids."

"I didn't say that. I simply said it is physically..."

"Okay. Grandfather, are hearing any of this? Could you talk some sense into..." Asuma stopped short when Hiruzen turned around with a rather large grin on his face. "What? Why do I feel like I was the brunt of a joke here?"

Asuma's arm loosen slightly allowing Kakashi to lift the arm away. "Because you are?"

"Wait. No way. You're telling me..."

Kakashi smirked under his mask in a manner which would be best described as "ear to ear". "Did you really believe I would think it a good idea for a kid that young to have a kid?"

"I..." Asuma rubbed the back of his head but stepped away sheepishly. "Wow. I just never expected you of all people to make a joke. You used to struggle with things like humor."

"I still do." The silver-haired shinobi continued walking at the same pace behind the Hokage. "That doesn't change the fact a nine to ten-year-age gap between me and a kid is creepy. Very creepy."

"Okay. Can I explain something to you?"

"Am I going to like hearing what you have to say?"

"No, but you really need to hear it."

"Fine. What do you need to say?"

"He wants to tell you that while it isn't okay for adults to be crushing on children, it is completely okay for children to crush upon their elders. It isn't anything new, but honestly rather normal. Take it as a compliment when it happens."

"Yeah, I'm still creeped out. Why did you have to tell me she had a crush on me?"

"Uh..." Asuma frowned, wondering how the conversation even got started. The Hokage took a deep breath. "Well, here is the meeting spot."

Kakashi saw the small inn out in the middle of nowhere and frowned. Asuma clapped a hand on the middle of his back. "It's going to be okay. Let's get ourselves settled."

"Particularly since we want to get settled before the Mizukage get here, but also want to remain on alert. He's not someone to trust easily. I'm surprised he's even wanting to meet."

They soon found themselves in a room with a divider the Hokage slid shut so he could have some privacy. Kakashi sat down and closed his eyes so he might listen, but his mind kept wandering back to the village and what Naruto was up to.

Asuma took a deep breath. "So, are we going to continue our conversation from earlier?"

"Why?"

"Okay, let's try the fact you are only twenty, almost twenty-one, but acting like a man who's as old as my grandfather, but possibly a lot less spry."

Kakashi let his eye which wasn't covered open up. "What are you getting at?"

"You do realize the reason the Hokage doesn't want you raising Naruto is because he feels you've been forced to grow up a lot sooner than you should have."

"It's not his fault my mother died in childbirth, my father committed suicide, both my mother and father's clans abandoned me, my friends died as well as my sensei."

"Yeah. You really shouldn't talk about things like that so calmly."

"The only thing I have left is Naruto."

Asuma took a deep breath letting his eyes roll back into his head. "Fine. I'll put this another way. I don't get why you want to have a kid."

"I didn't say I want to have a kid. That would mean finding girl and getting married. Having a child out of wedlock is a big no-no."

"I'm talking about raising a kid." Asuma let out a deep sigh. "Look, I end up spending time with my nephew, and he is a pain. I've heard Naruto is just as much of a pain, yet you want to torture yourself with things like hair pulling, sticky hands and runny noses."

"Don't forget biting."

"What?"

"Naruto and for that matter my uncle have already bit me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You heard what I said."

"Yeah. I just heard you say that your uncle bit you. Why would a grown man bite you?"

"I'm quite sure my grandmother bites people as well."

"I'm still not following you. Are you saying you were raised by dogs? Are you attempting another joke Kakashi? I know that you've got a bunch of ninken, but that's a bit silly Kakashi."

"Never mind." Kakashi found himself looking out the window. He heard no sound out of the ordinary while the Hokage prepared for the meeting with the Mizukage.