𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤. [✓]

vii

wow this sucks ass

♡

❝renjun, can i ask you something? promise you won't freak out...?❞ chan shyly asked. renjun nodded. ❝um... d-do... do you want to go out with m-me..?❞ renjun's eyes flew open. was he hearing this right? lee chan asking huang renjun out? is this correct? ❝are you asking me out?❞ the chinese smiled. deep down, he knew it was wrong. sure, he liked chan. but, he loved jaemin and jeno. of course that was wrong too.

❝maybe... you don't have to say yes or any—❞ ❝of course. why wouldn't i say yes?❞ chan giggled and held the other's hand. renjun knew that him and chan were feeling the same thing. they were forcing themselves to like each other to get over the two they loved. not the best way, but they didn't knew how else to stop loving the couples.

❝is tomorrow after school okay?❞ renjun hummed in response and laid his head on chan's shoulder. ❝i don't mean to ruin the mood or anything, but, is this how we are planing to get over them? forcing our feelings?❞ chan sighed deeply. ❝it's not. i know it's so bad. they just... look so happy without me. everything i try is just wrong. maybe we're meant to be lonely.❞ ❝did you ever think you had a chance...?❞ renjun asked quietly.

the pinkish haired boy slowly nodded. he did. he really saw himself with seungcheol and jeonghan. ❝actually, i saw them making out before gym class... i dropped my bag and ran away. god, i cried so much. since that, i've been... i guess distant. because i know their together. even if they weren't, they would never want me me. hell, who would?❞ the boy remembered how sad he felt. it's so hard to act all happy and have breakdowns at home.

❝don't think that. there's a lot of people who like you. even though this is far worse than us loving two people who are together, we still need to help each other. you even managed to tell jaemin that you two will go to the arcade today. that's a start.❞ renjun blinked his tears away. he needed to be strong, even if he felt like he was dying inside. he wasn't going to lie, of course he regrets leaving jeno and jaemin, but, he probably won't of known that chan is in the same situation as him.

❝come on, i'll help you pack up. i'm also meeting with seungcheol and jeonghan hyung. see, things will work out.❞ chan pulled renjun up. opening his locker, renjun heard a voice call out. ❝channie!❞ chan looked over and saw jeonghan and seungcheol. ❝ren—❞ ❝go! don't waste your time, i'll be okay, go chan!❞ renjun pushed chan away from him and waved goodbye. ❝i wonder what class jaemin is in...❞ renjun mumbled to himself.

❝junnie!❞ the chinese boy turned to see jaemin a few inches from his face. his heart was beating so fast, he was afraid it could be heard. along with his cheeks turning a light red. ❝h-hey.❞ was the only thing that could leave his mouth. jaemin giggled and held renjun's hand in his. ❝are you ready?❞ renjun slowly nodded. both boys walked to the arcade hand in hand.

renjun knew that this was wrong, but told himself to relax today and to enjoy while he can. because if anything happens with chan, there's no turning back. i'm sure going to miss your hugs and the way you hold my hand. renjun thought as he smiled just thinking about how much he loved jaemin and jeno.

💗

❝woah, why are we here?❞ jaemin asked as he looked at the very expensive looking clothes. ❝i need new clothes for tomorrow,❞ renjun replied. jaemin furrowed his eyebrows. ❝why would you need new clothes for tomorrow?❞ renjun hesitated for a minute. should he tell jaemin or not? what if jaemin asks to hang out again and renjun is going on a date he doesn't know about?

but, the whole point of trying to like chan was to stop loving jaemin and jeno. it was simple. at least it was to him. ❝i'm... i-im going on a date tomorrow.❞ renjun felt his chest tightening as he said those words. jaemin's eyes were wide open. ❝wait, what? you have a date?❞ the older nodded and picked out a pair of black jeans. ❝is it with chan...?❞ the pink haired boy whispered. jaemin felt like his heart was breaking down every second.

renjun nodded. now for sure, renjun wasn't breathing. maybe not being around jaemin and jeno is better. if he isn't around them, he can finally stop loving them. but, as much as renjun hated it he knew it would have to be that way anyways. of course he and chan talked about their feelings about the two they love, but it seemed as if chan had it worse than renjun.

so maybe he shouldn't be crying about his broken heart. or maybe renjun is born to die alone. ❝i was actually going to ask you about leaving.❞ renjun sighed. he should of known. he probably should of prepared answers for jaemin's questions. ❝why are you avoiding us? not only the group but... me and jeno.❞ jaemin watched renjun's glassy eyes avoid his own. ❝i already said it. i've been busy working on the history project.❞ ❝for 3 weeks straight? we would call your name in the halls and you'd just ignore us. you seem so much happier with chan than when you are with us.❞

❝that's not true. i'm not happier with him. i like you all equally. i...❞ renjun trailed off. he was trying to think about what to saying about the ignoring part. he did ignore his friend group on purpose. he did it so he wouldn't have to talk to jaemin and jeno. damn, how far was he planning to go? as far as it needs to for him to stop loving jaemin and jeno. ❝let's just go home.❞ renjun dropped everything he had and walked out the store. he couldn't bare thinking that he was not only hurting himself, but everyone else as well. especially jaemin and jeno.

❝i'm sorry renjun. i just wanted to know if you were actually thinking of leaving us. did we do or say anything wro—❞ ❝jaemin please drop it.❞ jaemin was taken back at renjun's tone. after that no one said a thing.
the walk to jaemin's house was completely silent. renjun wanted to leave and never look back. he started to cry even before they reached jaemin's house, and even though jaemin wanted to comfort him, he knew he couldn't. he didn't even say bye or goodnight. he just went into his house and cried as well.

❝damn it renjun. why can't you see that we're in love with you?❞

[☁️]
ok sorry the chapters are getting so much longer than expected! again 1k words. i was just typing and i couldn't stop. don't worry, it's going to get more depressing. i know that there is so much angst, but, i have everything planned out. thank you for all the support on this shitty book 🤧💓

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