𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤. [✓]

xiii

❝whenever i'm around her, i feel the entire zoo. is that normal?❞ yerim felt her cheeks burn. just thinking about sooyoung has yerim want to dig her grave. renjun smiled. his friend was completely head over heels for this girl. it was odd to his surprise. yerim never mentioned anything about a girl named sooyoung. i mean, no one is really shocked that yerim is lesbian.

❝do you smile whenever you see her?❞ yerim nodded. ❝do you think about her a lot?❞ nod. ❝do you feel like you're going to burst when she looks at you?❞ nod. ❝then i think it's completely normal. i hop—hey! why didn't you tell me any of this earlier?❞ renjun whined to the older. he found it unfair how he told yerim his dead love life and she didn't.

❝because it's not important. what's important is that you're doing okay. it's not about me, renjun, it's about you.❞ ❝that doesn't matter. it's not all about me.❞ the korean shook her head. right now, it was about renjun. he got drunk two days ago for fucks sake. the boy felt selfish. he felt as if yerim was forgetting about herself, and just staying focused on him.

but yerim wasn't. sure, she was taking care of renjun a lot, but she was also caring for herself. she always says, take care of yourself before others. now was different. her best friend needed her. ❝don't think you're selfish. if anything, you're super far away from that. i'm here for you as well as myself, don't worry about me. i'm your noona.❞ yerim said.

there was just silence. no one said a thing. renjun was debating whether he should go back to school or not. of course he can't stay at home forever. he knew that. so, might as well go now, right? ❝i'm thinking of going back to school.❞ renjun broke the silence. yerim's jaw dropped along with her eyes widened. ❝really? renjun, i know you—❞ ❝i cant stay at home forever because of what's happening. hell, i'm probably failing right now.❞

oh, how many questions will be asked if the chinese does return to school. he won't see chan, he won't see anyone. he prayed that yerim would stay by his side until this whole mess blows ever. which renjun wished it did.

💗

it's been almost a month since renjun has left. it's been almost a month since jaemin and jeno have smiled. it's been almost a month since they lost renjun. chenle has spammed the chinese about his whereabouts. no answer. they have called him more than ten times. no answer. there are no answers about how he is doing, where he is. there's also no answer to this shit situation.

jeno saw chan happy with two seniors. hugging and kissing them. did chan break renjun's heart? why did this all happen? he wanted to lose his shit over renjun leaving him and jaemin, but he couldn't. he wanted to stay at home and cry his heart out. jaemin wouldn't speak, nor eat. it was like a cloud of sadness hovering over the two koreans.

❝do... you think he's still mad at me?❞ jaemin asked softly. jeno didn't know. he didn't know anything. and he didn't want to know anything. ❝jaemin, i don't know. i don't know anything anymore. i just want to go back to the way we were before. i don't know why he left us, i don't know why he isn't here. i just want to know why he left.❞ but that was too much to ask for.

obviously renjun won't answer that. not like he answered anyways. it was like his heart was ripped apart. which it probably was. how much the two missed that smile, laugh. how much they missed renjun as a whole. jaemin and jeno have never felt this before. this kind of pain. the kind that can ruin a person. why couldn't jeno just ask? why was everything so hard?

jaemin clenched his fists.

❝that's it. we're going to see renjun.❞

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