Letters With a Ghost

Prologue

Dear Ayden,

After all these years, I can't believe you never told me.

When I first met you, you seemed like the happiest person in the world. It seemed as if there was nothing in this world could break your spirit. Nothing that could eliminate your smile.

I love the way you listen to me. You always seemed to have time for me. Now all you have is time.

I remember when I told you about my anxiety for the first time. You didn't say a word. You listened carefully, keeping your blue eyes steady, staring into mine, letting me know that you absorbed every single word. When I finished, tears were streaming down my face, my eyeliner was smudged, and my face was red. I looked terrible. But you didn't seem to mind. You pulled me into your arms and held me against your chest. You never said a word. Your silence spoke volumes.

I'm not gonna lie, after a while, I developed a crush on you. I was going to tell you, I really was. I was just afraid of losing our friendship, afraid of breaking the bond that we made. You were my only friend. You were the only one who listened to me. God knows my family doesn't give a damn about me. I needed you there. For some reason, I concocted the idea in my head that you would leave me if I told you the truth. I know it was silly. Everyone, even Alex, told me that you liked me. Still, I couldn't bring myself to say it.

On The Last Day, when I saw your scars, when I saw the tears on your face, I was broken. I blamed myself. I still do. You always listened to me... But I never listened to you. I hate myself for that. When I held on to you, I tried to show you my true feelings. You couldn't read my mind, I knew that. But I still tried.

That night, right before you left, when you pressed a kiss onto my lips, giving me the perfect opportunity to tell you, I kept silent. I would have done the opposite had I known that would be the last time.

I can't stop crying, Ayden. I have to see you again. I need you here.

I love you, Ayden. I love you so much. Please come back, please don't leave me! I have so many things I want to tell you, so many things I have to say! Don't stop listening Ayden, PLEASE!!

After all these years, I can't believe you never told me that you were suicidal. Now you're gone. And I will never get you back.

Are you still listening?

--Camryn