Letters With a Ghost

Chapter Twelve

Camryn woke up the next morning to find Danielle already awake, sitting at a desk on the computer.

She noticed Camryn stirring and greeted her. "Good morning," she said kindly. "Want some breakfast?"

Camryn shook her head, propping herself up on her elbows. It was Saturday, so they had off school.

"What time is Jonathan coming back over?" Camryn asked, gathering her bearings and wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"He was supposed to come over around noon, but I actually talked to him this morning and he suggested that we go to the ice cream shop down by Sawmill Creek to discuss our plans over a small picnic."

Camryn glanced at the clock. 10:30. At home, her mom would have never let her sleep in that late. This morning she woke up feeling well-rested and refreshed for the first time in what felt like a really long time.

"Would you be up for that?" Danielle asked.

"Yeah," Camryn said. "Sounds good to me."

"Cool." Danielle stood up, walking to her closet. "I talked to my grandma, by the way. I told her what's going on with your mom and she said you could stay here as long as you want."

"Thanks. That means a lot." The thought of having to go home and face her mom's wrath had caused her a lot of anxiety prior to falling asleep the night before. The thought of delaying that confrontation one more day provided her with a sense of relief.

"It's no big deal." Danielle produced a blue sundress from her closet and looked closely at Camryn. "I'm assuming you're going to need a change of clothes."

Camryn looked at the dress. Her and Danielle were definitely close in size, but the thoughts of wearing a dress made Camryn's stomach churn. "I could just wear this." She looked down at her plain t-shirt and jeans, hoping that she sounded convincing enough.

Danielle lowered the dress away from her face and gave her the best puppy dog eyes she could manage. "Please?"

A few hours later, Camryn was walking with Danielle to Sawmill Creek, the skirts of a blue sundress flowing about her legs. She had to admit, as much as dresses were not her style, she felt somewhat more confident just by wearing it.

They reached the ice cream shop in ten minutes to find Jonathan sitting on a bench with a picnic basket at his feet.

He smiled as he saw them approach, picking up the basket and carrying it to a nearby table on the edge of the creek.

As they set out the contents of the basket onto the table, Camryn looked at the creek, with shallow, clear water swiftly gliding over a bed of pebbles and sand, surrounded by grass and flowers and trees on all sides. The first time she met up with Ayden outside of school was right on the bank of that creek. They were in eighth grade at the time, and spent the whole afternoon pacing the shore, complaining about teachers and homework. They were so carefree back then.

If only they knew what the future held.

"So," Jonathan said, startling Camryn out of her thoughts. "How do you think we can make this whole Mr. Waters thing work out?"

Danielle shrugged. "He's hard to pin down."

"We could try to get his attention at the activities fair next week," Camryn suggested, remembering what her science teacher had explained in class the day before. "Students can sign up in the office to present ideas for school clubs and activities. Maybe instead of suggesting a new idea, we could go up there and talk about all of the reasons to preserve AWC."

Jonathan smiled. "That's a really good idea," he said. "But what would our main points be?"

"We'll just stick to the original plan," Danielle said. "We'll just have to go up there and read our writing out loud to the group, and then talk about how the club has helped us achieve that level of writing."

"Great idea," Jonathan agreed. "Then, if that's not good enough, we can take the same proposal to the school board meeting at the end of the month and show the activities director himself."

Danielle smiled. "Looks like AWC isn't a lost cause after all."

Camryn smiled, a soft smile, one that showed pride in herself and the group. She was glad to have contributed to the potential revival of something that meant something special to all of them.

Still, a dull throb of anxiety took hold of her. She never was good in front of large crowds. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. It's just a fear she would have to overcome in order to save the club.

They all made plans to meet there again the next day to just talk and hang out.

Dear Ayden,

I'm staying over Danielle's again. It's really nice of her and her grandma to open their home to me like this.

I wore a dress for the first time in ages. Jonathan told me I looked nice before he left today.

Usually, a comment like that would have me blushing in less than a second. At this point however, I really can't react to it.

I just force a smile and a laugh whenever I feel the moment is right. I fake them out, and they haven't got a clue.

It's really quite easy.

Pain can take many forms, but the most common form is in what appears to be the happiest face. If I learned anything from you, that's it.

The biggest smiles disguise the deepest scars.

The brightest eyes hide the darkest secrets.

Throw happy faces and big smiles and bright eyes together and you have the biggest form of propaganda out there.

The most vicious form of false advertising.

It's amazing the things that people miss. It's amazing the things that I missed when I looked at you.

I'm a writer. I'm supposed to pay attention to detail, I'm supposed to dissect people's emotions, then put them on paper in a way that is stronger than the feeling itself.

I wish I could have written your pain away.

Take every scar and put it into words. Make them stronger than they were, all the while pulling the demons off of your back and freeing you from the tantalizing grip that eventually obstructed your vision and blocked your path so you hit a wall so hard you were knocked on your feet and were unable to rise again.

I would've done anything to take your pain away. I would've done anything to keep you alive.

I would've loved you enough for both of us.

Now I can't love enough for one of us.

My heart bears the weight of worlds without you. Yet it's empty. I see nothing, I feel absolutely nothing.

Nothing but the pain.

I feel every hardship you ever endured, piled on top of the hardships that continue to build in my own life.

It hurts so bad I've gone numb.

That's not good, Ayden. I'm petrified. The numbness is a bad sign.

Feeling so much you don't feel nothing at all is the same as staring Death right in the face and kindly asking him to end it all.

If I learned anything from you...

It's that pain in it's worst form doesn't hurt anymore. It only exists.

And if I know anything for sure...

I'm a million miles beyond the boarder of "it doesn't hurt anymore."

You know what that means, don't you, Ayden?

My time is up.

--Camryn