Letters With a Ghost

Chapter Seventeen

Camryn dressed quickly and quietly. She chose a hoodie that covered her arms and put on large amounts of foundation to hide the bruises on her face. She didn't need anyone seeing the marks and questioning the nonexistent safety in her home. That would only make it less safe for her, and possibly even Casey.

She climbed out the window, carefully making her way to the ground as she had done so many times before. She lingered on the side of the house, sticking close to the exterior, until the bus rounded the corner.

She took her usual seat and slumped down, just in case her mom would come out in the seconds before the bus started moving. But the door stayed closed, and Camryn knew she was safe for the time being.

When the bus stopped to pick up Danielle, Camryn straightened, trying to hide any traces of distress.

"Tomorrow is the big day," Danielle said, sitting beside her. "You excited?"

"You bet." Camryn forced a smile.

"Jonathan and I discussed the plans last night. Make sure you bring writing that you're comfortable sharing with a large group of people."

"Yeah," Camryn said absentmindedly. "No problem." She had no writing to share.

At least no writing that a group of school officials should hear. She could see it now: A slow murmur ripples through the crowd until a unanimous roar develops with the shocking discovery that this girl might be suicidal and needs help. Then comes the trips to the guidance counselors and the school social worker, followed by the teasing and indiscreet mocking in the hallways...

"AWC will be back before you know it." Danielle's chipper voice broke into her vision. "Mrs. Carol would be so proud of us!"

The bus pulled in front of the school and everyone got off, walking slowly to the doors. Camryn spied Mr. Waters standing in the main vestibule and pulled her hood over her head. "I have to go talk to one of my teachers," Camryn lied. "I'll meet up with you later."

Camryn slipped into the crowd, weaving between people in an attempt to hide herself. She thought she was almost in the clear when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"You're coming with me, Ms. Parker," Mr. Waters said gruffly.

The last thing Camryn saw as she was being escorted away was Danielle and Jonathan standing together, watching her, with confused looks on their faces.

"I expected better from you, Camryn," Mr. Waters said with a sigh once they were finally seated in his office. "I really did. You blow off a conference that was supposed to help you with your grades - supposed to put you back on the right track for heaven's sake! - and you don't show up home for days. Your mother called me multiple times. She was worried sick!"

Camryn looked up, defiance in her eyes. "She doesn't give a shit about me," she growled.

"Watch your language, Ms. Parker," Mr. Waters said with a warning tone.

"I don't give a damn!" Camryn stood up, fists balled at her sides. "If my mother cared about me she wouldn't have done half of the things that she did to me. She wouldn't have said half of the things she said to me. She wouldn't force me to move on with my life after a tragedy like the one I experienced, and she certainly wouldn't take her stress out on me if she actually cared about the fact that I do have a breaking point, and I crossed it two months ago!"

Mr. Waters met her gaze calmly. "Have you considered that perhaps you mother only wants to prepare you for the rest of your life? Tragedy happens to everyone, there's no way to avoid it, and I personally believe that your mother is using tough love to help you get through such periods."

"You clearly don't know my mother." Camryn fell back in the chair, slumping down.

Mr. Waters cleared his throat, meaning to change the subject. "I noticed you signed up for the activities fair."

"I did."

"And what makes you think I'm going to let you participate?"

Camryn straightened in her chair. "Why wouldn't you?"

"Danielle and Jonathan have superior grades, therefore making their personal participations in the event not a problem. You, on the other hand, do not. That's poses a problem, regarding not just you, but your whole group."

"My whole group?" Camryn repeated blankly. "But that's not fair! They didn't do anything wrong! If you want me to take my name off the list, that's fine, but don't punish them. This...idea...of ours means a lot to both of them."

"I'm afraid that's not how it works. If one person proves to be a detriment, then the whole group suffers."

Camryn felt the heat rise in her face. Jonathan and Danielle were counting on her. She didn't want to let anybody down. Not again.

"What can I do to change your mind?" Camryn's voice was quiet. She didn't like the idea of giving into authority that easily, but she didn't see any other way.

Mr. Waters chuckled, an indignant chuckle, one that made her blood boil in her veins. "Unless you can bring your grades up by tomorrow, presentation time, I see no other way you can participate."

Camryn had nothing left to say, and neither did Mr. Waters. She got up and left, mind churning, thinking of a way to make this work, not just for herself, but for the rest of her group, the only two people left on this earth who saw the potential in her and still believed.

She grabbed her science textbook out of her locker, and studied.

That night, sitting cross-legged on Danielle's bedroom floor with Danielle and Jonathan and a box of pizza in the middle, Camryn explained the situation.

"Don't stress out so much, Cammy," Jonathan said. "We'll figure it out."

Danielle nodded in agreement. "We always do."

"It's okay," Camryn said, a smirk beginning to play on her lips, "because I have a plan."

She told her plan to the group and everyone nodded, smiling in agreement. When the time came to go to sleep, Camryn pulled out her notebook, the second one, almost filled completely with letters to a ghost.

She ran her fingers along the binding and twisted her pen in the other hand. Her dream from the night before still reverberated in her mind, along with Ayden's hint to once more speak to his older brother.

She had so many things she had wanted to say. Before, her letters were the perfect way to get those words out. Now, it just seemed like an empty book full of empty words and broken promises. Words that were never supposed to be written, promises that were never supposed to be kept.

Ayden died for a reason.

She had to accept that fact, but she never knew that letting go when your grip hurts and you feel yourself slipping is one of the hardest things to do.

Her mind was a mess, and despite her belief, writing words that would be silenced as soon as the cover was closed wasn't the way to organize those thoughts. She had dark secrets, but putting those secrets on paper was not transferring them; they were only making them more likely to be realized.

Camryn looked at the notebook for a second longer then slipped it back into her backpack.

She didn't have anything left to say.