Letters With a Ghost

Chapter Seven

"That's a typical statement for you!" Camryn's mother screamed at her in defiance. "You're a coward just like your little fallen angel!"

Camryn and her mother stood inches away from each other, red-faced and swelled with anger from the most recent argument that erupted between them.

"And that's a typical statement for you!" Camryn hissed back. "You're so ignorant, mother. You have no clue what the word 'coward' even means. Ayden was no coward. He was brave. Brave enough to end it, brave enough to face the unknown. You, you're the coward. You can't take anything! One small thing, one small blemish in your picture perfect family, and all hell breaks loose. Well, do I have news for you! Your husband is cheating on you, your daughter hates you, and your life never was, and never will be, what you want it to be!"

Camryn regretted those words as soon as she said them. Camryn had a habit of getting caught up in the moment. That's when her dirty words would come out to play, in the midst of her fury, when she had no control over them.

Her mother's eyes flashed with a look of pure hate and resentment. A split second later, she raised her outstretched palm and struck Camryn's left cheek with a force that made her daughter stagger backwards and collide with an end table, causing a lamp to crash to the floor and shatter.

"Go," her mother said through tightly clenched teeth. "Now."

Camryn hurried to her room, clutching her cheek with tears streaming down her face. She sat on her bed and fumbled for the notebook underneath.

Dear Ayden,

My mom and I have fought plenty of times before. Not once in all those years has she ever laid a finger upon me. Until now...

I guess you would like the backstory. Well, it all started last night, the one month anniversary of your death. I was pretty torn up as I remembered The Last Day in clear detail. I remember seeing your scars, I remember holding on to you and not letting go until the sun had set. I remember you holding me back, and whispering in my ear that you would be all right and to not cry for you. You also made me promise that I would never hurt myself the way that you hurt yourself.

I regret to say, I broke that promise

I broke up one of my old CD cases and used the sharp plastic on my arms. I only did it a few times... The thought of you and my promise to you made me stop.

I threw away the plastic pieces. I cleaned and bandaged the cuts. I figured if anyone asked, I could just say I fell and scraped my arm or something. No one would notice, and everything would be okay.

My mom is a lot of things, but she's not stupid.

She noticed the scars, and that's when the battle began with the angry words and the name calling and the physical contact.

I guess I got a taste of what you went through with your mom, huh?

The funny thing about life is, it really is just one big roller coaster ride. It has it's ups, it has it's downs, and it has it's out-of-control spirals.

Since you left, my roller coaster is plunging downhill at a million miles an hour. The only problem is, I can't see the bottom, let alone the next hill that will bring me back up. All I see is darkness. Which is pretty scary for me, I've been terrified of the dark since I was a little girl.

What's contributing to the speed is the fact that my mom caught my dad cheating a few days ago. He's been sleeping with his office secretary, which explains why he's never home anymore.

He was completely unfazed by my mom's discovery of the erotic text messages on his phone. He calmly packed his things, walked out the door, and didn't look back. Let me tell you, that hurt a lot. Casey is still waiting for him to come home. I don't have the heart to tell her that he's probably not going to.

If I'm being perfectly honest, I really don't want him to. I mean, he chose his office slut over his family, which is basically a scenario right out of a cheesy soap opera. If that's what he wants, let him have it. I don't need him. I don't need anyone.

Anyone except you.

I still don't know why you left. I mean, I have an idea of course, but I don't know the whole story. And I don't know how to "ask Alex" either.

I might be over thinking that, I mean it was only a dream after all, but it just seemed so real. I want closure so badly, I guess I'm just searching for it in all the wrong places.

I'm searching for it in my mind, a place where I know I'll never find it.

My mind is just a crazy jumble of emotions and memories. There's no finding my way through there. This is the only place for me to organize my thoughts, but in reality, even this isn't that organized.

I do have AWC tomorrow, though. Maybe that will cheer me up a bit. But who knows. Maybe nothing will.

Thanks for letting me vent, Ayden. That always seemed to be your specialty. Listening. Being there for me. Don't stop, okay? It gives me some sort of comfort to be writing to you, even if it's just to your ghost.

But who knows.

Maybe I'm just writing for my ghost.

--Camryn