Letters With a Ghost

Chapter Nine

The memories are fading.

The words she had written echoed in her mind throughout the night. It was true. The more time that passed from Ayden's death, the more she found all of the memories the two had shared vanishing into a thin cloud of distant memory, one that is only provoked by a trigger that acts as a slap in the face when you're missing someone.

There was only one memory that Camryn held in the forefront of her mind, clear and sharp with every painful detail.

The Last Day.

Perhaps both the best and worst memory she shared with Ayden, the one she wants to forget sometimes and clings to other times, was the final day they shared together.

It was cold, late December in their little town, dusted with snow and lit up by the Christmas lights adorning every house. The nights came quicker, but the darkness somehow seemed to illuminate the peacefulness of the coming season.

Camryn's parents were away that weekend, taking Casey to visit their grandparents an hour away. Camryn, though she loved visiting her grandparents, had faked a cold to get out of it.

Her parents would never understand if she said she had wanted to spend more time with Ayden.

She had grown to like him a lot in the last few months. With fights with her parents becoming more frequent, he was the only one who understood what she was going through. His smile alone was enough to make her whole day ten times better.

Ayden was supposed to come over that night so they could hang out and watch movies. Camryn wore a plain sweatshirt and sweatpants. She didn't care what she looked like around him anymore.

When Ayden walked in, the first thing she noticed was that there was no smile on his face. He looked beaten down and unhappy, something very unlike himself.

"Ayden?" Camryn's voice came out a soft whisper.

"Cammy..." Ayden's voice sounded distant as if he were speaking in the air, like a ghost. "I did something...bad."

"What do you mean, something bad?" Camryn walked over to him and grabbed both of his hands, guiding him to sit down on the couch.

Ayden looked up. His eyes were wet, and his hands started to shake slightly.

"Ayden, what did you do?" Camryn pleaded. "You can tell me anything, you know that!"

Ayden pulled his hands away and tugged at his jacket. "Promise you won't be mad at me?"

Camryn nodded, a cold fear coming over her. "I promise."

He took his jacket off and put his arms out, palms up, in front of her.

Camryn touched his skin very gently, tears forming in her eyes. The white lines zigzagging up his arms was a sign of how far his depression had gotten. How many times he had been pushed to the edge, tottering above the abyss.

"I'm so sorry Cammy," Ayden whispered, tears starting to fall. "I had to feel something, or I wouldn't have felt anything at all."

"Don't be sorry, Ayden. Don't...don't be..." She crawled into his arms and he held her tighter than he ever had before. Camryn listened to the steady pace of his heartbeat and found comfort there.

"Don't cry for me," Ayden whispered in her ear, noticing her heaving shoulders. "I'll be okay."

For the rest of the night, the two stayed intertwined, talking about nothing, talking about everything, sometimes saying nothing at all.

Around 10:00 that night, Ayden said he had to go.

Camryn shook her head and held on tighter. "Stay." She didn't want him to leave then. She didn't want him to leave ever.

"I'm sorry, Cammy," he said softly. "There's something I need to do."

They stood up and he got into his jacket.

"Are you sure?" Camryn asked.

"I'm sure," Ayden said. "If I don't do it now, I never will."

Not questioning him will come to be the biggest regret of Camryn's life.

Ayden lingered for a few minutes, looking around, taking everything in.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Camryn asked.

Ayden smiled slightly. "Yeah I'm okay." He paused, then looked at her. "There's something you need to know."

Camryn returned his gaze, waiting for him to continue.

"If you ever hurt yourself like I did, I promise I will never ever talk to you again," he said. It sounded more like a plea than a threat.

"I won't, Ayden," Camryn said softly. "I promise."

"Good." Again, Ayden paused briefly, as if taking in the surroundings that he had seen many times before. Then they walked to the door and said their goodbyes.

He kissed her cheek and smiled, something he did often, then turned around to leave. In a split second, he had turned back around and kissed her lips, so fast she had to think to herself to make sure it had really happened. When he turned around to leave again, Camryn grabbed his wrist. She had every intention in the world to tell him that she loved him.

When his clear blue eyes focused on her, she froze.

She pulled him into one last hug, one that was closer and lasted longer than usual. He squeezed her tight one last time. When he pulled away, he lingered for a second, standing inches away from her face, and placed a hand on her cheek, caressing it with his thumb. He seemed to study her for a second, smiling warmly the whole time.

Without another word, he left.

Camryn got ready for bed then lay there for almost two hours, thinking about the way he acted. Thrice, she thought of calling him. She decided not to. There will always be tomorrow, she thought.

There will always be tomorrow.

The next morning, at 6:23, she got a call from Ayden's house phone. She stumbled out of bed in her groggy state and answered it. She was surprised to hear Ayden's mother's voice on the other end. She wasn't groggy for long.

The phone hit the floor, then she did.

When she woke up on the floor, she was screaming.

Dear Ayden,

Last night, you took your life.

I'm still waiting to wake up.

I'm still waiting for tomorrow to come.

--Camryn