The Inner Workings of The Woman Mind

Within Me

My life is a movie that no audience pays attention to. Judgements and assumptions in the mirror. Who am I?
The person within me tells me I am a outsider. Belonging and acceptance being the everyday hustle. If I could open up my chest, who would want to know the inner me?

Enthusiastically I say I am a Beautiful Black Young Woman. Why do I say it so profusely? To whom am I trying to prove it to? Myself or people

The ideology of my life according to my parents is that I am academically intelligent, physically fit and mature in my future of being a medical doctor so that I will take care of them in their old age. My feelings and opinions about any situation is considered "small talk"

I am betrothed to my father's best friend's son. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing, a undercover judgmental hypocrite. I look into his eyes, I see flames and I feel my heart drifting from itself and covering itself in a protective shell

My parents isolate me into books so much that my best friend is the air particles of the 4 walls.

Death is a unexpected visitor, what if it comes to take me away. Who will attend my funeral? What positive things would be said about me? What would be their remembrance of me.

You are born given a number and it is your Impacts and differences that makes you more than those few numbers. What impact would I have made on this earth.

It feels as if I was not born, but just a random experimentation. The person within me wants people to accept me for who I am. I want to belong and feel appreciated by my onlookers. It might sound primitive but I want respect and awareness of my extraordinary uniqueness.

I want to love and also be loved. I want to miss, cry and cry for someone else apart from myself like a new 21st century Romeo and Juliet.

I don't mean to question my religion and faith, but does my heavenly beloved father ever look down at my life from above?

The tears I cry with a laugh in the rain, my purpose. Why do I feel so anxious and empty; so helpless.

I don't mean to sound pathetically ungrateful. I wish I saw Jesus in my lifetime, so I could know what true Unconditional love is.

True love, self discovery and self acceptance is something I see as a journey I hope I make successful, so that it can be a story I will tell my grand children's children

Fin💖

Love Sammy