"Tow the line and play their game
Let the anaesthetic cover it all
'Til one day they call your name
You know it's time for the hammer to fall"
In which friends of friends are going to change each other's lives.
They just don't know it yet.
Mostly So...
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Nervousness crashed over Adrienne like a wave when it came time to read a special letter out loud for filming. She had held herself together over the course of the hour long interview for the Sundance documentary about Anton's life, but the now crinkling letter that was being used as a fidget device in her hands was about to be read for the first time. Anton and Adrienne had written each other letters the other would read if the other passed, much to the dismay of their parents, but Anton had insisted that he felt it necessary.
Adrienne looked up at the director, who gave the thumbs up for her to start reading. She peeled the envelope open carefully to a piece of lined paper with chicken scratch writing only Adrienne seemed to understand. Taking a deep breath, she hoped that Irina and Viktor would be happy with her and satisfied with her interview.
Adrienne,
I write this as I listen to you play something softly on the piano, a stark difference in noise and demeanor from the guitar or the trumpet. You have the gift of picking things up easily. Besides your odd charisma, I've always loved that about you.
I've felt obligated to write this letter since we officially dubbed ourselves "best friends." But now since we are married, I feel more obligation to you as your husband, best friend, and Elias's father.
If I ever get taken by something before my CF takes me, I want you to know this. If I could have one wish in this world, it would be to see you as happy as can be. If being happy after I'm gone means moving on, moving away, and continuing your life without me, that's okay. You shouldn't let anything drag you down ever because your importance should never be understated by anything.
Because my Pasha deserves nothing more than to be happy and to live the best life she can.
Love,
Your Antosha
Adrienne held a poker face long enough for the camera to cut off before her face crumpled and she burst into tears, sobbing into her elbow while leaning against the arm of the chair. She didn't know why she was coming undone at this moment, but the anguish of the moment that she was in was overpowering. She was alone with the exception of the producers, Adrienne didn't think to have anyone come with her or anyone she know arranged to pick her up from the studio, for she didn't want them to see her look like she had gone back to square one.
She squeezed her eyes shut and brought her knees to her chest, wiping her eyes and staring up at the ceiling body still shaking from the sudden wave. The man interviewing her, who she unfortunately forgot the name of long ago due to her nerves, came up beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you for everything, Adrienne. We're not going to make you do anything else today. You can go home."
She nodded silently as more tears fell from her eyes. Adrienne felt as if she couldn't move. The strength wouldn't come to her. She needed to reflect on what Anton had said, almost as if she needed his permission to do anything. He'd smack her shoulder for thinking like that, but Anton's words were confirming any doubts Adrienne had about life without him.
Adrienne scoffed and whispered to the sky. "Hey asshole. I still hate it when you're right."
—
Adrienne I need to call you Like Now Mommy
Incoming Call From: Mamma Kin
"Mommy..."
"Baby I'm right here. Stay on the line while I get situated."
"Mamma l'ho fatto. Ho letto la lettera."
"What letter, honey?"
"You know how we wrote each other letters to open in case we passed early? Anton insisted we do something like that."
I really don't know why you two decided that was a good idea, but I supported your decision regardless.
"And do you remember me saying that Anton's parents were helping with a documentary about him? "
"I do, yes."
"I read the letter for the first time in the documentary."
"My cucciola..."
"Mamma I had to."
Did you?"
"I needed the closure."
"I believe you. I just worry about you."
"I know. It hurts now but I think it's going to help. I do."
