Be My One Regret

be my 1 regret / then

9 years ago......

This was it. He was suppose to be in here. So, where is he?

"Tanner, it's me. Are you in here? It's so dark."

The barely whispered and hardly assertive wondering sounds desperate to my own inexperienced fourteen year old ears. I swallow down the nervous lump in my throat. My heartbeats strum at a ninety mile an hour speed. Squinting my eyes, I narrow my focus searching side to side for a shadow, a glimpse, any familiar outline of Tanner but the lack of any lighting at all hinders my sensory. With a mild curse, I shuffle my feet and feel with extended hands in front of me. I slice my arms back and forth thru the air with trepidation, but the black expanse of the winter wardrobe storage room in the attic of the Jones' McMansion was too big for my feeble advancements. With each step, it seems endless. The silence was deafening and taunting, and it unsettles my hopeful nerves. I try to fight it, but the fear of what I was doing grows bigger and bigger with each shaky second of breaths. And as I stumble forward muttering more and less mild curses, I suddenly feel very exposed. Doubt seeps thru my entire body, and the all too familiar agonizing pang of humiliation takes over me.

Freezing in mortified place, I cringe.

Ohmigod. I knew it. I knew that this was a joke. What was I thinking to come to one of the Jones brothers' parties? Gawd. Their friends were jerks. Pretending to be my friend. With Tucker as their ring leader. He's such a fucker. Always messing with me. 

And Tanner. Gawd, I hate him. He's there but he's not there for me. What's with that? 

Gawd! I should have never agreed to play their games either.  I'm such an idiot. This was a huge mistake. Agreeing to the challenge of seven minutes in heaven with Tanner was the dumbest thing ever. They knew he doesn't like me that way, and I should have never let them get under my skin teasing me about it after Tanner left the the room. And I sure as hell shouldn't have accepted this dare. It was wrong. So wrong. Bad, Fi, bad.

Ohmigod. Ohmigod. I got to get out of here before I....

"Hey...Ophelia, I'm right here. It's okay, I'm here."

My heart stills at the sudden appearance of Tanner's reassurance behind me. It's so close, I can feel his warm breath across the back of my neck. So close that it trips the net holding down the butterflies in my belly and they escape with a tornadic spin. My skin heats with a tingle of adrenaline. And my lungs tighten with magnetic air. It's a rush. It's a fantasy. One with Tanner that I wanted to be mine. Even though I knew I shouldn't.

Like now. We were just friends. That's what he wanted. And that's what I needed to be. I needed to stop wishing for more. That's why this was a mistake. I never should have come up here. And screw Tucker and his friends. I don't care if I fail this dare. Losing a bet over my best friend was not worth it.

Exhaling, I slowly turn around and murmur. "Hey...I've been looking for you."

A strong grip clasps my waist and pulls me into him. His lips find my ear and he whispers. "Looks like you found me."

I blink. Stuttering in breaths at the sudden contrasting pace of Tanner. It wasn't like him to touch me like this. Sure, we had shared a hug or two but this...this was different. This was confident. Like he knew what he wanted. And it has me floundering with uncertainty and insecurity. The two link together and squeeze my chest tightly refusing to let air move thru me, and I lick my dry lips.

"Um, yeah." I giggle and shuffle backward from his hold as a full twist of conflict rattles my young, teenage hormones. "Yep, found you. Guess I win the hide- n -seek game. Yeah, me."