Be My One Regret

be my 1 regret / then

4 1/2 years ago......

"Ophelia, talk to me."

Heated and flushed, I trip over the suitcase by my feet. "Why? We'll just start yelling again? So what's the point?"

Firm fingers glide down my arms. Goose-pimples score fast everywhere on my skin as Tucker's lips brush over my ear with a sigh. "Baby, you're the only one who's yelling. I'm just trying to make sense of what's happening right now. Why didn't you tell me about this a while ago? Why now?"

My belly tilts loving and hating his touch and soothing. "I don't know. I just....gawd...you know what, forget I said anything at all. This was a mistake. We are a mistake."

A kiss warms my temple as he chuckles. "What the hell are you talking about? Why would you say that?"

The softness of his lips and the tease of his mouth tremors a shiver thru me. I press my lips tightly and chastise my body for the response to him. And my guilt replies with a swift kick to the heart. I huff and look over at the limo waiting for me to take me to the airport then back at him with another huff. "Because your mother says so. She's been saying it to just about every body in town who will listen."

Tucker grips my arms, somewhat harder than he should. My brows pinch tight as I startle up at his irritatingly mesmerizing green eyes. "Listen to me, Fi, I don't care what my mother says. You and I are not mistake. I love you. I have since we were fourteen. And damn me for being an idiot and listening to her all those years to leave you alone, it was more than dumb of me, and I regret all of it, but I'm not listening anymore. This. This is us. Together. Nothing's stopping that. Nothing."

My heart strings strum wildly against my ribs. It wasn't the first time I had heard him say the 'L- word', but still, the way he said it so surely, it stirs something deep inside of me.  But cowardly, I don't say it back nor have I ever all the other times. I felt bad for it. I did. But then again, I was never sure. Never certain like he was. Deep down I knew my heart would always love someone else. Even if that someone else was his twin brother, who only just saw me as his best friend. And damn me to hell and back if I didn't hate myself for the Bermuda Triangle that I was stuck in. Because I did. I really did.

With shaky fingertips, I touch his lips already regretting the hurt it will cause in my next words. "My dad is. He's adamant about this boarding school thing. And I get you're pissed, I do. But you need to understand how he sees things. And how all this is so messed up. He says it's for the best, and I think he's right."

Blinking until his green eyes haze over with a brash questioning squint, his lips thin with a scowl. I shrink my hand away from his face and take a step backward. His eyes chase my movement with the exact hurt I knew he would have. "The best for who? You? Him? My mother? Cuz it sure as shit isn't the best for me. What the hell, Fi? Are you fucking serious about this? Why would you agree to that? I thought we were going to college together and damn it..." He sucks in a sharp breath and rakes his hand thru his hair staring down at me with a new light of uncertainty. "...I could see us, in the future, together. And I'm starting to feel like I was the only one here. So am I?"

Oh shit. A future? Together? Gawd, this was way beyond messed up. Bad, Fi, so very bad.

Heart wrenching in my chest, my eyelids flutter fighting back tears. I squeeze my eyes shut to regain my composure, but a damn tremble overtakes my lips. And it makes it even more difficult as I contemplate choice replies. Less damaging ones. But self preserving ones too. The guilt riddled emotions clot my brain and my throat in unison of misery. And it takes everything I have inside of me to force my eyes open and look into his gorgeously bewildered face. "I know you had an idea in your head about things....but...I....can't..."