Be My One Regret

be my 1 regret / then

6 1/2  years ago~

Tears flood my eyes. "But I thought....I thought you liked me."

Tanner brushes loose strands of auburn hair from his remorseful eyes. "Aw, Ophelia, c'mon, you know I like you. Just not in the way you want me to."

My chin trembles as the words cut deep. I smear the snot from my nose with the back of my hand. "But you kissed me."

"Yeah, I know." The green irises disappear as he squeezes them shut momentarily. He shifts on his feet tucking his hands into his jeans pockets. "Gawd, girl. I'm sorry, I never should have done that. It was a mistake."

"A mistake?" I choke between sniffles. "Is it because I'm a bad kisser? Is that why you don't like me?"

Heavily, he groans."Gawd, Fi, no, it's not like that. I told you I like you. You're my best friend. And hell, because of that, I shouldn't have kissed you. But just so you know, you're not a bad kisser, like at all. It's just-"

The uncertainty of his eyes frustrates me, and I simper out one of my fears. "I'm not cute enough for you, am I?"

Sharp flecks of gold bolt thru his eyes as he narrows them. "Oh my gawd. That's not what this is about." He grabs my shoulders whispering gently, strongly, sincerely. "Ophelia Savage, you are beautiful. Crazy beautiful, inside and out. And that's why all the girls at school hate you. You don't even have to try with make up or clothes or hair crap. You're a natural beauty. And you're smart. Funny. Easy to be around. You're the girl every guy wants."

I hate the compliments. They mean nothing now. And I huff and roll my teary eyes. "Except you."

His fingers cup my chin. His eyes are clear as they gaze into mine. And it agonizes every part of me. "But not for the reason you think. Fi....I..." His voice cracks a little. And his beautiful face shrouds with pain. "gawd, Fi, this is so hard for me. But I feel I owe it to you. Promise me that you won't hate me what I'm gonna tell you."

A shiver winds up my spine with sudden worry. I instinctively wrap my arms around his waist like so many times before. "I could never hate you, Tanner, ever."

Ease relaxes his shoulders and relief settles over his pretty boy face. And subtly a small quirk tilts his lips to one side. He reaches forward and smooths my hair back from my face. "Even though I just kissed you? And then said sorry for it like the bastard that I am?"

The slight tease of his smirk jabs me in the gut. The pit in my belly grumbles bitterly, and my heart still aches from being ripped out of my chest from that one kiss. That incredible kiss. But the same kiss that was a supposed mistake. It was given and taken away by my long time friend. Crushed within minutes like it was nothing. And it hurt. Gawd, it hurt bad. So bad. But there was something different between us now. And it was hard not to feel guilty for making 'the kiss debacle' all about me. Not with the way his eyes screamed with emotional turmoil as they stare down at me. It was distressing. There was obviously something really bothering him. Something important. And something much bigger than my broken heart. And no matter how much I wanted to kiss him again or have him as more than just a friend, I knew that I had to be grateful for whatever he was willing to give me. His friendship was better than nothing. So for now, my wounded heart could wait. Even if it meant that he liked someone else. 

Damn it. 

Sourly casting my hurt feelings set, I exhale a slow breath. "Well, at least you said you were sorry. And..." I jab my pointer into his chest. "...you meant it that I wasn't a bad kisser, right? Cuz if you're lying Jones, I will kick your ass."