Save me.

One.

Waking up. Is hard for me, Knowing that I have to be this person for my mom, Is not easy on my mind. It makes my day from good to I want to die.

It's hard to even breath sometimes- It's hard to even open my eyes when I get anxiety, I can't help but want to scream and shout; help me please save me from my sadness. Is all I want to say to some people.. But it never comes out-

As I open my eyes laying my head on my black pillow I allow my thoughts so take over my mind. I start to see my life, My dad, My mom.. They are happy but then.. They just, Disappear. They are gone.. Just like that, I hope to see them again, But I doubt I can't even remember there names. My Mother isn't even my real one... I was adopted when I was 3, I Didn't even know what was happening I only knew that my mom and dad are gone. I hoped to see there faces and them holding me one more time... But I can't even see there faces anymore. There just gone from my mind and thoughts I try to think and think and think about them, they're names, they're looks... They're hands as they hold me telling me it's okay, But.. I can't even see there faces,

It's like they are faded away.

1

2

3

I count as I look up to see my roof that is painted white with black dots. I rub my eyes and sit up to see my door that is now open. How did that even happen? I think to myself. I get up and put on my cloth, a black hoodie with gray sweat pants. I tie my hair up in a ponytail. I hope one day, One second I get to see them. One second is all I need. One second that's all.

I walk to the hallway that has a painting of a girl, I never know who she is...

" Good morning Lilyanne " My mom says to me, With a sweet smile.

" Morning. " I say rubbing my eyes. " How did you sleep mom? " I asked grabbing some coffee.

" I slept good, How did you sleep? " My mother asked me while making pancakes.

" I slept good. " I lied. I couldn't sleep, to much thoughts in my head to even think about it.

I walk to the sliver draw and opened it and pulled out bread, I got out the peanut butter. And I made my sandwich.

" Lily? " I hear so I turned around to see my step-father drunk and coming into the house. I start to freak out.

I forgot how to breath, I try to speak to get my mother to help, but I can't speak. " Help help! " Is what I want to scream but I can't not like this, God.. I'm useless. I think to myself as I become frozen in place.

My mother comes into the kitchen and sees my step-father coming up to me, she starts to panic and grabs my arm away from my step-father.

" Get out! " My mother screams at him. She pushing him out the house and locks the door.

I start to feel dizzy and fall to the ground, My mother picks me up and puts me on the couch.

" Honey? " My mother says. " Are you okay? "

I sit up sighing. " I'm sorry... I didn't mean to worry you.. " I said annoyed at myself.

" It's not you're fault.. " My mother said trying to make my happy, but it never works. I have to fake it.. Fake everything. Fake love, Fake smiling, Fake laugh and fake being happy..

It's too much, Too much too much. I can't handle myself sometimes, I lash out, when I get angry.. I can't help but want to be locked up, So no one can get hurt, I get hurt everyday, From myself and others.. I can handle it but my mother can't she hates it when I stare at nothing and start to talk... She says I'm not normal, Yet I know that. I know I'm not. But when I try to talk.. It just gets stolen.. Taken away. I just want to hide in a black hole and stay there.