I Wish Things Were Different

Part 4

Maven POV

I'm going to get her back. No matter the cost.

Soon Mare will be mine again, and I won't make the same mistakes again. Better guards a tighter leash whatever it takes for her to stay with me. Because I love her. And I can't bear to be without her even if it hurts us both.

We hurt each other because it's what we're good at.

Her words will haunt me for the rest of my miserable life.

"Your father loved you, you didn't see it but he did", "You'll never lose me", " I loved you and now I'm going to die for it", "Help me", "Kill me", "You're going to let me die just like Thomas."

No one can quite tear me apart quite like her. Her words rip apart my flesh until there's nothing left but a skeleton with a cold crown. She hates me I know that much but at the same time, she loves me. I can feel her conflicted emotions.

I told her to hide her heart and she should have listened.

Emotions have no place on a battlefield.

But they could if only she would choose me. I would give her the world.

But instead, we're just broken people with no one to put together the pieces. You can't put together broken glass. Mother tried but she only twisted me up even more. I hate Mare for killing her.

I want to kill her. But I can't no matter how much I may want to. I wonder how far we would have been by now. Maybe she wouldn't have even thought of it as a cage anymore. Damn Cal. He took her away from me.

He will die. I'll make her watch every agonizing moment of it. I'll make her realize she made the wrong choice. I want her to be solely dependant on me.

So I'll take away all the things she loves most. Cal, the fish boy, that wretched general, and of course her family. None of them are worthy of her love. Cal betrays her at every single opportunity and her family has never done anything for her. They would have allowed her to be taken by conscription and they never fought for her to have a better life. They overlooked her in favor of the sister.

What a grave mistake they made.

Iris did say something about gaining Piedmont as an ally. Maybe we could kill two birds with one stone here. Go to the Scarlet Guards base in Piedmont where we believe it to be, and with Brackens help, and invade the Rift.

Get some leverage to draw Mare out of hiding. Mare Barrow is nothing if not loyal. She'll come for her family even if it will be her demise.

I address my soldiers first.

"Tomorrow we will bring an end to all of our enemies in an attack on Piedmont and the Rift. We will find, kill, and capture all the wretched traitors who have dared to betray us."

The soldiers yell and scream in agreement. They're foolish. The Scarlet Guard and my brother's coalition will not be easy to kill and will cost many of them their lives.

But I suppose death is the price you pay for blind loyalty.

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Mare POV

After seeing Maven today I finally feel like I can let go. Even if he could be saved I don't want to be the one to redeem him. Even if it is his mothers fault he is like this I can't forgive him. He's wronged me one too many times.

I don't want to save him.

He chained me up in a palace for six months and cut me off from half of myself and called it love. That's not love. That's obsession. Fear. Abandonment.

He kissed me against my will and used my own lightning against me. He allowed a Whisperer to tear through my brain even though he knows exactly what that does to a person. He played games with my mind and hurt me when I was at my weakest. He paraded me across Archeon and put a collar on me like some dog. In what world is that love?

Maven doesn't love me he loves the idea of me. If I love him he wins his never-ending battle with Cal. I'm nothing to him but a means to hurt Cal. That's all I've ever been.

I was never anything to him and he was once everything to me.

Him and his mother saw a weak girl who could be manipulated and they used me to kill someone.

They made me fall in love with the poor shadow prince.

He doesn't deserve to be loved. He deserves to live out the rest of his days alone thinking of all he could have had. He deserves to die and rot in hell.

And yet I can't kill him.

I see the shadow boy in him and that hurts more than knowing that it was all fake. A glimmer of what Elara made me believe is true.

And that's what hurts the most.

Maybe my life will be better once I'm in Montfort. I might be happy. I can finally forget about the Calores and leave this terrible life behind me. I feel so much hope as I run towards the transport that will take me to my new life and my second chance. The steps of the metal transport feel like the steps to my freedom. I'm no longer a martyr to a cause and I'm no longer a fallen princess.

I'm Mare Barrow.

The transport begins to move as we speed towards Montfort. I lean against the plush seat and let my eyes drift close.

For the first time since I met Cal that fateful night I'm able to sleep alone.

Without nightmares.