Home is not a Place

6 • Powerless

VANESSA

I suffocate in my mom's arms inside our little apartment. She hasn't stopped hugging me since the moment I saw her. She isn't sick anymore, but she looks worse than how I left her, and it's my fault.

She was worried sick.

I had to lie to her about my disappearance. I explained an entire story to her that I made up on the spot. An old friend called from Charolette, North Carolina, and needed me as soon as possible. Something bad had happened and she needed a friend.

And it just so happens that I "lost my phone" after I got the call so that I couldn't contact my mom. I told her that I regretted not telling her where I was the whole trip, but I needed to do it for my friend.

I hate lying.

If there's one thing I look for in a man it would be honesty.

Honesty is the key to everything, and right now, my heart is being locked away along with the truth.

I have no friends. My mom should know that, but she trusts me because I always tell the truth. And because I have disappeared and reappeared in one piece. What other explanation is there?

"I'm okay, mom. I'm sorry." I say for the millionth time as she squeezes me tightly.

"I'm just so so so so so soooo happy to see my baby girl." She promises as she pulls away and cups my face in her cold hands. "I thought something bad happened to you. I thought you were missing, that someone had taken you. I've seen way too many episodes of Bones to assume that you were off somewhere safe."

My heart is as heavy as rocks as it sags low and blocks my lungs from functioning correctly. "I-I'm sorry, mom. I didn't mean to worry you. I was safe, and I was perfectly fine. No scary bad guys had me locked away in a dark, secret dungeon."

"I would've chopped their balls off if they had." My mom barks, squeezing my cheeks.

I wince and laugh. "You're insane, ma."

She winks, just before hugging me once more. "I never want to let you go."

"Well, you have to." I say with a smile. "I need to take a shower. It's been a long couple of days."

"Okay, Honey." She finally lets me go. Her brown eyes are filled with love as she watches me move away and enter the bathroom.

When I get the chance to shut the door and lock it, I immediately grab my chest and lean against the bathroom sink. My heart is pounding incredibly rough against my rib cage. Every thump is like a sting to my chest, and the pain ripples throughout my nerves and to the rest of my body.

I close my eyes and take a breath.

I can't believe I had to lie about so many things to my mother. She's the closest person to me. She knows me the best and is the one I confide in. Who will I confide in now?

I open my eyes and stare at my pitiful self in the mirror.

The worst lie of all was that I'm okay.