Home is not a Place

45• He's Already Dead

ETHAN

Fragile.

That's the one word I would use to describe the way Vanessa feels in my arms right now. She has relaxed now, but even as she falls asleep, I'm scared if I hold her too tightly, I might crush her. She's so innocent and so pure, and I know that I'm the one who has caused this heartache for her.

She never would've been in the mess if it wasn't for me. And I want to apologize 100 times over to her, but I know she'd never let me do that. She doesn't think it's my fault, but she's too kind to understand the truth.

Knock knock.

Her mother must be here.

I go to move, but Vanessa pulls me closer, making my heart flip. The way she is holding me makes me feel like I'm the only man she's ever wanted.

I nuzzle my face in the crook of her neck for a moment, savoring the smell of her fruity perfume. Then, I whisper. "Ness, I have to let your mom in."

She frowns, mumbling something, but she eventually lets me go.

I rise to my feet, my steps becoming heavier in the absence of her body warmth. I get to the door, though, and unlock it, wearing one of my best smiles, but as soon as I open it, it fades.

Standing in front of me is not Vanessa's mom. Instead, it's a man-- a man that strikes fear in my veins as soon as I lay eyes on him.

"Don't move." The man smirks, and my gut sinks. In his hand is a pistol, and it's pointed directly at my head. "Or I'll shoot."

In his free hand is a canister, and he doesn't give me enough time to think before he pulls the plug off of it and rolls it into Vanessa's apartment, allowing gas to pollute the air.

Vanessa is dreaming away on her bed, her awareness little to zero. Maybe, that's a good thing because the man in front of me is planning to do far worse than any nightmare Vanessa can possibly have.

The man used to be part of the CIA. That was his pride, his joy, and his life, but he got into a fight with Felix, and I broke it up. And then, I reported him, got him fired, and made him my biggest enemy. He lost his friends, his family, and his home all due to me.

And he got angry. He got so angry that a year later he came after me and tried killing me, but I stopped him before he could do so.

It was a nightmare, and after that, I sent him to jail for attempted murder, and he got off for only five years there.

I guess his five years are up, and he had 1,825 days to think about his revenge.

That's why my heart is tied up into the tightest knot it has ever been in.

And it's not for me. I know one day I'll die because of my job. The fear inside me boils because of the woman who just cried in my arms. This may be the last day she cries her last tear.

I stare the man in the eyes. "You want to go back to jail, huh?"

His smirk tells me he will never see the walls of a jail cell again. Exacting his revenge on me might be the last thing he does, and he seems fine with that.