Home is not a Place

38• Wedged In His Heart

VANESSA

We get Felix safely in the van, and Tony hops in the driver's side, ready to take off. He's yelling, though. He's yelling into the coms, trying to get Amelia, Drake, and Ethan's attention.

He doesn't want to leave them, but we might not have a choice. Felix is dying. It doesn't take a genius to realize that.

The blood transfusion will definitely help, but the bleeding won't stop until the bullet is removed and until organs, tissues, and muscles repaired. There's no telling what is damaged, and I can't go digging around. It'll just make things worse.

Felix is unconscious, Ajax holding his head in his lap. There are tears swimming in his eyes.

Tony is flooring it, leaving the rest of the team. I don't have coms in—there weren't enough for all of us—so I have no idea where the rest of the team is.

Next to Ajax and Felix, I sit, holding the bag of Ajax's warm blood, watching as it flows into Felix's veins.

"You know this is your fault, right?" Ajax says in disgust as a tear slips from his eye. He sniffles, looking dead in my gaze. "I saw the video."

I forgot he had a contact in. Hesitantly, I ask, "What happened?"

"He could've shot her. He had the perfect opportunity to, but he didn't. And you know why?" He grits his teeth and growls at me. "Because of you."

He bows his head, his fingers shaking as he strokes his brother's cheeks.

I turn away, unable to look at them. He's right. This is all my fault. If I wouldn't have been so ignorant and stupid, none of this would've happened. Felix would still be smiling like the kind guy I know.

Tears sprout in my eyes and slip down my cheeks.

When Ajax turns his face up again, he sees this and shakes his head.

Like even crying for Felix is wrong.

Something in the pit of my stomach feels out of place. I try to block it out, but it doesn't work. I feel sick.

Tony gets us to the nearest hospital in under five minutes, and when we get there, the boys carry him into the emergency room, yelling for help.

It's a nightmare.

I pass over the blood bag to a nurse before they wheel him into the back. And when he disappears behind doors, Ajax starts breathing really heavily.

I can spot a panic attack from a mile away. I move to Ajax, but he shrinks away and rushes out of the building.

My hand—once extended—falls to my side. Tony steps up to me and says, "He's just scared right now. Don't let what he says get under your skin."

"This is my fault." I tell Tony, my heart in a wreck. Then, I shake my head. "But that's not what matters right now. What matters right now is Felix. We can talk about how it's my fault later."

Tony stares at me like I'm not making any sense, and maybe I'm not, but I leave him and go to the restroom. Once I'm inside, I go to the sink, shoving my hands under the water.